Thoughts on Psych

Psychology interests me so much. I want to study it and try to help people with mental disorders. I’m pretty sure this is the only thing I have wanted to research in my entire life.

Take schizophrenia. It is terrifying and fascinating at the same time.

I would love to learn more about it. While most disorders are (mostly) figured out, and what is causing them can (usually) be figured out, schizophrenia is a mystery. No pattern has revealed itself.

Which is scary. But it also makes me extremely curious.

Schizophrenia changes how I look at things, in a way. What does this mean for little kids and imaginary friends? Are they actually seeing things, or is just a fantasy of their intentional creation? Does it matter? How does an outsider know?

And how is it caused? Are people born with something in their brain that makes them schizophrenic, or is it caused by external circumstances? Is there a way to find out? And how can we tell if something is demon attack or a brain malfunction?

Is there a way to the make the medication so it doesn’t have such difficult side effects?

I want to learn more about this and try to understand it, so we can fix it. I am sure that hundreds of studies have been done on this, but I still want to do something.  

"It's Not You, It's the Culture."

Life is weird.

People are weird.

Societal norms are weird.

I am someone who usually goes without makeup. Because I am lazy.

And so on the off day when I do put on makeup, I get so. many. compliments. Seriously. Not that nobody ever says anything nice on normal days, but it astounds me every time how many people are like "Wow, Addi, you look really pretty today."

And it's not like I care, or at least not enough to wake up earlier every day so I can fix my hair and put on makeup.

I just find it interesting. Do I really look so different? (Yes, actually, I do. I know that.)

I was remarking on this to Maddie, and she said "It's not you, it's the culture." Which I knew, but it just struck me.

Our world is weird. 

Ennui.

Ennui

en·nui [ahn-wee, ahn-wee; French ahn-nwee]—noun

1. a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom: The endless lecture produced an unbearable ennui.

Parent-Teacher Conferences, I Love Fall, and Other Thoughts

I'M BACK.

I really don't know who I'm talking to.

Hello, empty Internet sphere!

Why a sphere?

Whatever.

So, parent teacher conferences are this week, which means WE ONLY HAD TWO AND A HALF DAYS OF SCHOOL! The half day was the PSAT, though. It was infinitely better than the practice ACT we took a few weeks ago, but still.

Yesterday afternoon we went to the pumpkin patch, which was super duper fun.

Twas epic.
I'm spending today cleaning, watching TV shows, reading, and trying to find my makeup kit. Tech week is next week, so I'm extremely grateful for this break. Having it actually during tech week would be better, but whatever. 

Hips[ter] Don't Lie (or, How To Be A Hipster)

By Addi Grace, Maclaine Spencer, and Abbey Alderson.

"Say nay to bae."

Roll your pant cuffs at least twice. 

Write poetry.

Play at least one string instrument.

Campfires. Everywhere and anywhere. 

Own a hammock. Take it everywhere.

Wear floral.

Listen to Spotify and 107.3 FM. 

Discuss synonyms for cliche. 

Climb trees.

Save the trees.

Drink organic coffee.

Button the top button on your (obviously floral) shirts.

Use your MacBook or typewriter at Starbucks.

Put in a lot of effort to make it look like you put in no effort at all.

Get defensive when someone actually listens to your kind of music.

Ask them what "lesser-known" songs they know. 

Get annoyed when your coffee shop haunts become "mainstream."

Use Thoreau quotes as all your Instagram captions.

Own ten pairs of sandals. Trim your nails once a year.

All of your shoes should look like you adventured through Tartarus in them. With your hammock and stringed instruments.

Do not go anywhere without a ukelele.

Sports? No.

Say everything in a very aloof and detached manner.

Make hipster music jokes and references.

Blog.

Make lists that make fun of hipsters.

Irony.

Act super exclusive and superior.*

*Okay, mini-rant.

There is being yourself, and there is being a hipster. For some people (Abbey, Maclaine), being hipster and being themselves are the same thing. And I honestly like those people. I like how they're funny, and appreciate literature and poetry and music that most people haven't heard of. 

But I hate how some other people act like they are better than others because they listen to that music, or because they have a big vocabulary, or whatever. 

Be yourself. Do what you love. Be ironic and granola (I really don't understand that term).

But don't think that makes you cooler or better or whatever.

Erm.

So I have posted in a month and a half.

Oops.

It's not like I'm busy, either. I mean I am now, sort of.

Not really. >_>

So here's what's up.

School started. I turned seventeen. I'm playing Sister Margaretta in The Sound of Music with CYT. I don't like Pre-Calculus. I've watched a LOT of Once Upon a Time in the past month. Doctor Who is back. I love Fahrenheit 451. We went to Colorado Springs. I have a severe caffeine addiction and it's getting worse. I want to go shopping for fall-ish dresses. I like rain. I did the ice bucket challenge. I got a new phone that has a REALLY GOOD camera, which is crazy exciting. I've listened to Problem by Ariana Grande so many times it's ridiculous. That song is my jam.

Here's a bunch of pictures. Enjoy.

Books and Talking and Twitter

Hi.
I am in a talkative mood tonight, apparently. I already sent a rather long email less than an hour ago, and another one this morning, and I journaled (which is a pathetically rare exercise for me, really) and I've Tweeted and texted quite a bit. Plus an article, which needs a ton of editing and it's due in two days and I'm kinda freaking out. :/
Anyway.
Lots of happy music playing today. Well, not necessarily happy, but music I know really well, I guess. My playlists of Spotify, instead of other peoples. A lot of Parachute, Bastille, and Relient K.
Started Into the Wild today. I'm in like, chapter two, and I am intrigued. I think it's gonna be really good. A side effect is severe wanderlust, but I always have that, so...
I have been thinking about Paper Towns a LOT lately. Those John Green books seriously get to me. It also has heightened my wanderlust, and also made me more aware of people. The Fault in Our Stars got to me because I related to it, because it got me. Paper Towns got to me because it made me think of others. I wouldn't say I liked it better than TFiOS, but I would recommend it more often than I would TFiOS. Because it's less popular, and more eye-opening, at least for me, and TFiOS... well, I think people miss the point of TFiOS. Which is a rant for another time.

^THIS PART HIT ME IN THE FACE AND IT WAS WONDERFUL.

This quote is so crazy true.

In other news, apparently I am some people's favorite Tweeter, which is one of the weirdest compliments I've ever gotten, but also one of the best. Why is this seemingly shallow comment one of the best I have received? Because it means people are relating to my words, even if there's only 144 characters of them. And that makes me happy.
I can't stop eating grapes, y'all. I don't know what's up with that.
Also, I REALLY WANT KRISPY KREME DONUTS LIKE RIGHT NOW.
Driving... yeah, I still hate it. >_< It's really hard being an adventurous person who hates driving. I've been able to get into the groove and enjoy it a couple times, but then I mess something up, just something small, and my confidence smashes into the ground and I get unfocused and doubt my instincts and it's a mess.
So, yeah, That's fun. -_-
I am really tired right now, so I am gonna crash (and by that I mean read and/or watch Once Upon A Time).
Farewell.

Disagreeing and Hating Are Not the Same

Dear Modern Culture,

Please learn this: Disagreeing and hating are not the same. Seriously.

There is a huge, huge, huge difference between hate and disagreement. I disagree with my family a lot, but that definitely doesn't mean I hate them. I disagree with my friends, but that doesn't mean I hate them.
So how come whenever someone gives an opinion that disagrees with popular belief, they are labelled as "hateful"? I genuinely don't understand this. (But, as I have often pointed out, there's a lot I don't understand about society and the world and modern culture.)

To put this in more understandable terms, Harry Potter hated Snape, Umbridge, and Voldemort.
He often disagreed with Dumbledore, Hermione, and Ron.
See the difference?
Good.

I'm not going to deny that some people can act hateful in the way they express their disagreement, but that is not always, not even often, the case.

So if someone could explain this phenomenon, I'd be grateful.

The End. 

Summertime Sadness

Actually, that title really has nothing to do with this post, I was just thinking of summer-y things and I thought of the Lana Del Ray song, so there ya have it.

I'm listening to Ed Sheeran right now.

I love his voice, and I love how his songs are all stories. In Joel's words, who would've thought that a song about a drug-addicted prostitute could be beautiful? But it is. And Give Me Love... ever since I watched the music video, this song gives me goosebumps. I feel like part of my love for it is just the raw beauty of Ed Sheeran's music, and the other part is that I feel like one of the greatest human longings is love. And even though in the song, and in most of life, people tend to look in the wrong places for this love, it's still something everyone connects to and understands.

I have listened to music obsessively lately. Spotify has become my most used app. Ben Howard, Jack Johnson, The Piano Guys, Lewis Watson, James Conner, and, obviously, Ed Sheeran, have been singing/playing in my ear constantly.

The learning bug came back today.

I don't know how or why, but I suddenly want to know a lot more than I do. This feeling kinda comes and goes, but it's been gone since like March.

And now I suddenly want to know what's going on in the world, and I want to learn about history, and God, and science (See, I like knowing stuff, I don't like being forced to know stuff. Huge difference), and I just want to know stuff.

So I'll probably be reading and/or watching Crash Course videos for the next week.

Adios.

P.S. Lol I fail at taking pictures.

P.P.S. Oakley is now huge. I need to take a picture of him, but he is no longer the tiny, helpless puppy he was.

Photo A Day?

We'll see if it happens...
Here's one from yesterday, and maybe I'll post one for today, later.

Last night was a perfect summer-y night. We had a good-bye party for Jahn, a German/Asian foreign exchange student. I say German/Asian, because he's from Germany... but he's Chinese.

See?

Lol, I just noticed my teacher in the background. Oops.

Anyway, the party was super fun. Bonfire, s'mores, a hammock, a water balloon fight, stars, deep talks with the thespians...

It was good.

I'll miss Jahn. He gave me book recommendations that I LOVED, so he obviously won a place in my heart. ;D Plus he's hilarious, although incredibly stubborn. We had a three hour argument over whether articles (a, an, and the) were adjectives or not (they are).

And I'm really not exaggerating about the three hour part.

Oh Sweet Freedom

I survived Chemistry. Hallelujah.
And now I'm going to read. Adios, amigos.

"A Lot to Think About"

I know I said three weeks, but I'm just saying "Screw math" and writing this now.
You really don't have to read it. It's not eloquent or pretty, it's mostly me trying to get stuff OUT OF MY HEAD so there's spaced for Algebra tests and Chemistry homework and Newspaper stories.

A bit of what's on my mind:
~ 80s music and comic books (don't ask).
~ Picking out next year's classes. It's actually quite stressful, because COLLEGE COURSES. WHAT THE HECK I'M NOT READY FOR ANYTHING TO DO WITH COLLEGE.
~ Abortion and my anger about the fact that is so accepted in our culture. Seriously, I could rant about this. A lot. It's hard to be forgiving and righteously freaking furious at the same time, but I feel like I have to be. My heart kinda got destroyed by this a couple weeks ago.
~ Sex, and how we are totally lied to about it in our culture. (Am I allowed to use that word? I'm going with yes. My blog, my rules.) And love, too. (Can you guess what we're talking about in Spiritual Formations?)
~ Stuff I'm not actually allowed to to talk about yet (or maybe ever).
~ I need to drive. Annnnnd I still hate driving.
~ The school system really is awful. (I designed a completely new one a few days ago. I think it'll work.)
~ Freaking finals are coming up.
~ I am constantly tired. Always.
~ I really hate how big the earth is sometimes. And time differences. And it's just... Bugging me, right now. I can deal, I have dealt, I will keep dealing. I just wish it was different.
~ I have no idea what to do with my life. I know I want to write, to travel, to love, to worship, and to serve, but I don't know how or what that will entail.
~ Physical limits in relationships are easy. Emotional limits are really hard. Like, how much do you say? I just don't know what I'm doing (shocking, I know).
~ I want change and it terrifies me at the same time.
~ Cuss words. I do not understand this. I don't know why there is such a thing.
~ I hate talking about stuff that's important to me. But I don't like small talk either. There's this middle area, of stuff that's real, but not... Really close to my heart. If that makes sense.
~ Relient K understands me.
~ I just want it to be summer. I need Lilli time and books and swimming and flip-flops.
~ Please tell me everyone else is faking this whole "life together" thing. It's not even bad, I'm just so overwhelmed and I really don't know what I'm doing. This is not an exaggeration.

Honestly, take very little notice of this post. I just need to write some things down and get them out of my head.

Three Weeks

Until summer. And then I can chill

Seriously, my brain hurts so bad. I'm not really busy, it's just... I've had a lot to think about, and finals are coming, and CYT showcase and Little Knight Music, and I've been invited to like ten graduation parties and Open Houses, and the Newspaper is supposed to come out Friday, and other tests and normal homework, and I have applications to fill out and summer plans to make...
It's just a lot of thinking and I'm ready to just relax and swim and sleep and play music and read.

So.

Talk to you in three weeks, probably.

Addi out.  

Ah, Life

There are moments when I just take a deep breath and love life.
Things that make me happy to be alive:
> Sophie and I browsing Barnes and Noble and criticizing book covers.
> A bunch of CYT kids sitting in the hallway in various stages of makeup and costume and singing worship songs with a guitar, a guitar case, and two drumsticks.
> Laughing at something Joel texted me.
> Passing Stephen, who's sticking his entire torso out of the car and waving his arms, still in full makeup.
> The Apologetics girls all yelling at movie characters to kiss already. x)
> Isaac playing the violin right when I walk into the theatre.
> The windows open and it actually feels warm for once.
> Beautiful, beautiful books. (latest being I Am the Messenger, by Markus Zusak. Another gritty, not-polite, gorgeous, lifelike, lesson-teaching book.)
> Music that I love (Michael Buble, Mumford and Sons, Disney, whatever is currently on Hipster Barbecue Radio or Jared's "Does This Make Me Cultured?" playlist.)
> Seeing the little fairies and lost boys performing and my heart wants to burst because they're so cute and wonderful and happy.
> Poetry.
> Glow sticks
> Dancing
> Flowers
> Candles that smell good
> Skirts I can twirl in.
> Road trips!
> Ice cream
> Crying because I miss/will miss someone so much. (This makes me sad, in a sad-is-happy-for-deep-people way. Because it's beautiful that you can love someone so much that the thought of them gone makes you cry.)
> The fact that summer is coming.
That's all I can think of for now.
Farewell. Enjoy life. 

Oh, I Almost Forgot...

 Meet Oakley Scout, our golden retriever puppy. He is six weeks old and the cutest puppy alive. I find it hilarious that he's a boy and named after two girls (Annie Oakley and Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird). He likes sleeping, exploring, watching Sherlock (I kid you not), and chewing on my toes (it's really weird, actually). He's precious and a little clumsy. Today he tried to dig under the fence, which was only somewhat successful and completely adorable. 

Tech Week -- Music Man

I am so tired. It's mostly my own fault for staying up till 1:30 am on a school night. During Tech Week.
I was reading The Wise Man's Fear, which is a brilliant book. Third one NOW, please.

Story of my LIFE. All credit to MartAiConan on Deviant

So, yeah.
We just had our first show and I'm doing homework.
It's 12:15 am.
I hate research papers.
Bye.

Homecoming.

So homecoming was like... two weeks ago? I think so.
Anywho.
Here's some of the pictures I found. :D

 Me and the lovely Emmalie. 

 I looooved the gloves. Grandma got them for me, and I got so many compliments on them. Thanks, grandma. :D

Our attempt to look glamorous. Not sure how well it worked...

Us and Mrs. B. We loooove her so much. Greatest teacher. We'll miss her next year. :(

:D 

 We kinda looked like Christmas... oh, well. We were a hawt Christmas. ;)

This is my favorite picture. Dat photobomb. xD

*slow clap for Addi*

Probably the one area I lack any form of sympathy is relationships. I have little to no patience with couples, especially if I don't know or dislike either of the people in the relationship. (That isn't to say I hate every couple. Personally I ship Maddie and Spencer with a weird passion.) And when they inevitably break up and come crying to me, I'm terrible. Oh, I'll do what I can to comfort, of course, but after, a day or two, I expect them to be over it.

Which they're usually not. >_>

And then I seem hateful and probably jealous, but I'm /not/. I'm... inexperienced. It's bloody hard to give breakup comfort if you've never been through a break up.

I'm one of the very few people who are well into their teenage years and have never dated. Not once.

For the record, that is because I have almost impossibly high standards.

Almost.

*cough*

And books are no help either, in this case. Name one book that realistically went through a breakup. Please. I don't know what to do.

Being a best friend in highschool is hard sometimes. 

Snow Day!!!

Oh, and here's my "Geek Day" outfit, for Holiday Day of Spirit Week. 

I ended up wearing a different shirt, so I didn't have conflicting superheroes. 

The Superman shirt is Mac's. Yes, Mac my nine year old brother.

I made the skirt this weekend, and I'm quite proud of it. 

This Has Been the Most Stressful Week of the School Year.

I swear it has.

Next week should be, with stuff every night after school and last minute homecoming business to take care of, but it's honestly too fun to be stressful.

This week, on the other hand, sucks.

Teachers are cramming in as much homework and as many tests as possible. Sleep is a joke. Girls who haven't been asked are sorely feeling it now. [Not me, mind you. I'm so glad I didn't get asked, especially after certain drama in the past couple days.] Math is killer hard right now. Newspapers have to be printed, the court must be voted on, shoes must be bought, the Open House must be taken care of, skits have to be rehearsed.

On top of all that, CYT started back up again this week. Auditions are Friday, and all three of the littles are auditioning.

I am not.

I was going to, until about two weeks ago, when I realized "I can't take anymore on." So I told Mom and she was like "Are you sure?" and I was like "Yeah. Maybe I'll get a job." and she was like "Okay...."

And then CYT classes started Tuesday [which I didn't go to, I was at the Open House] and Mom texts me during school "You should audition."
Me: Why?
Her: Because then the whole family will be involved.
Me: I don't know...
Her: I'll sign you up and you can cancel.
Me: Okay....

So she signed me up.

Last night we were talking about it and I tried to pull out an audition song and I kinda just fell apart.

We decided I couldn't add something else to my already sleep-deprived life. >_>

Despite being way, way, way crazier, I am of the opinion that second semester is way more fun than first semester. Because your friendships are stronger, you're more involved in things, and you're less mad about new rules.

And Spirit Week. :DD 

Addi's Current Favs

Counting Stars, by One Republic.
I listen to this song all the time. Not exactly sure why. But, ooh, I love it. The whole Native album, actually. Like, listen to the part at like 3:03 where there's the stacking, add on, choir-y thing. Mmmm, wonderful.

The Library Dance scene in Music Man. It has literally been my life dream to be in this song (Marian the Librarian) and now I am and Thank you a bajillion times to Stevie of Dr. L or whoever put me in that group.

FROZEN.
OBSESSED. FAVORITE MOVIE.
Anna = Most realistic Disney Princess since... ever. EVER. I love her. And Elsa is amaaaazing. And plot twists and funny scenes and THE FREAKING AWESOME SOUNDTRACK. I would conservatively estimate I have listened to this soundtrack 50 million times since I watched the movie.
Love Is An Open Door is my favorite. xD Barely beating Let It Go.

An Update and a Fun Fact

Oh my cow.
So busy. e_e
Homecoming is in three weeks. I still need a dress. Skits for spirit week must be planned. Chemistry homework and tests are murderous (one is tomorrow). Music Man rehearsals have started (thank goodness I'm chorus and only called once or twice a week). Kensi's birthday is a week from tomorrow.
Outside of all that, I'm still trying to read books, journal, hang with Lil, skype with Joel, blog, watch MAOS, freak out about Sherlock Series 3, and sleep.
My "brother" is currently in Zambia, and I totally wish I was there with him. Not only is he helping people and being awesome (his dad's a doctor, and he will probably be one when he grows up, so he does of lot of doctor-ish type stuff), he's missing boring Chemistry and homecoming drama.

Fun fact of the day: Ya know the song "How He Loves," by David Crowder Band? It starts with the lyrics "He is jealous for me/Loves like a hurricane/I am a tree" and blah blah blah. This always confused me, because I thought jealousy was a bad thing.
WELL. I was watching a YouTube video several weeks ago, and this guy (danisnotonfire, who I don't really recommend, but um, yeah) was talking about jealousy vs envy. And the definitions are this (these?):

jeal·ous  [jel-uhs]  

adjective

1. feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often followed by of  ): He was jealous of his rich brother.

2. feeling resentment because of another's success, advantage, etc. (often followed by of  ): He was jealous of his brother's wealth.

3. characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.

4. inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband.

5. solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: The American people are jealous of their freedom.

en·vy  [en-vee]

noun, plural en·vies.

1. a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

2. an object of envious feeling: Her intelligence made her the envy of her classmates.

3. Obsolete . ill will.

verb (used with object), en·vied, en·vy·ing.

4. to regard with envy; be envious of: He envies her the position she has achieved in her profession.

verb (used without object), en·vied, en·vy·ing.

5. Obsolete . to be affected with envy.

The fifth definition of jealous is, I think, what the song refers to. He is jealous for me, meaning He wants to protect us and keep us with Him. And the song made sense!!

That's all. I don't even know why I just thought of that, but I did. You're welcome. ;)

Time Flies

Seriously, time goes faster every year.
So, highlights of the year:
-Fiddler on the Roof
-Homecoming
-Movie Theater
-Started sophomore year
-CYT camp
-Joel and Madelyn
-Books
-HSM
-Doctor Who obsession
-Apologetics
-Library volunteering
-I dyed my hair
-Laser tag

Not bad, I think. So here's some goals for 2014.
I don't have any real resolutions. Just little bucket list things that I can get done this year.

Bucket List things that I can get done this year. :)