"A Lot to Think About"

I know I said three weeks, but I'm just saying "Screw math" and writing this now.
You really don't have to read it. It's not eloquent or pretty, it's mostly me trying to get stuff OUT OF MY HEAD so there's spaced for Algebra tests and Chemistry homework and Newspaper stories.

A bit of what's on my mind:
~ 80s music and comic books (don't ask).
~ Picking out next year's classes. It's actually quite stressful, because COLLEGE COURSES. WHAT THE HECK I'M NOT READY FOR ANYTHING TO DO WITH COLLEGE.
~ Abortion and my anger about the fact that is so accepted in our culture. Seriously, I could rant about this. A lot. It's hard to be forgiving and righteously freaking furious at the same time, but I feel like I have to be. My heart kinda got destroyed by this a couple weeks ago.
~ Sex, and how we are totally lied to about it in our culture. (Am I allowed to use that word? I'm going with yes. My blog, my rules.) And love, too. (Can you guess what we're talking about in Spiritual Formations?)
~ Stuff I'm not actually allowed to to talk about yet (or maybe ever).
~ I need to drive. Annnnnd I still hate driving.
~ The school system really is awful. (I designed a completely new one a few days ago. I think it'll work.)
~ Freaking finals are coming up.
~ I am constantly tired. Always.
~ I really hate how big the earth is sometimes. And time differences. And it's just... Bugging me, right now. I can deal, I have dealt, I will keep dealing. I just wish it was different.
~ I have no idea what to do with my life. I know I want to write, to travel, to love, to worship, and to serve, but I don't know how or what that will entail.
~ Physical limits in relationships are easy. Emotional limits are really hard. Like, how much do you say? I just don't know what I'm doing (shocking, I know).
~ I want change and it terrifies me at the same time.
~ Cuss words. I do not understand this. I don't know why there is such a thing.
~ I hate talking about stuff that's important to me. But I don't like small talk either. There's this middle area, of stuff that's real, but not... Really close to my heart. If that makes sense.
~ Relient K understands me.
~ I just want it to be summer. I need Lilli time and books and swimming and flip-flops.
~ Please tell me everyone else is faking this whole "life together" thing. It's not even bad, I'm just so overwhelmed and I really don't know what I'm doing. This is not an exaggeration.

Honestly, take very little notice of this post. I just need to write some things down and get them out of my head.

Three Weeks

Until summer. And then I can chill

Seriously, my brain hurts so bad. I'm not really busy, it's just... I've had a lot to think about, and finals are coming, and CYT showcase and Little Knight Music, and I've been invited to like ten graduation parties and Open Houses, and the Newspaper is supposed to come out Friday, and other tests and normal homework, and I have applications to fill out and summer plans to make...
It's just a lot of thinking and I'm ready to just relax and swim and sleep and play music and read.

So.

Talk to you in three weeks, probably.

Addi out.  

Ah, Life

There are moments when I just take a deep breath and love life.
Things that make me happy to be alive:
> Sophie and I browsing Barnes and Noble and criticizing book covers.
> A bunch of CYT kids sitting in the hallway in various stages of makeup and costume and singing worship songs with a guitar, a guitar case, and two drumsticks.
> Laughing at something Joel texted me.
> Passing Stephen, who's sticking his entire torso out of the car and waving his arms, still in full makeup.
> The Apologetics girls all yelling at movie characters to kiss already. x)
> Isaac playing the violin right when I walk into the theatre.
> The windows open and it actually feels warm for once.
> Beautiful, beautiful books. (latest being I Am the Messenger, by Markus Zusak. Another gritty, not-polite, gorgeous, lifelike, lesson-teaching book.)
> Music that I love (Michael Buble, Mumford and Sons, Disney, whatever is currently on Hipster Barbecue Radio or Jared's "Does This Make Me Cultured?" playlist.)
> Seeing the little fairies and lost boys performing and my heart wants to burst because they're so cute and wonderful and happy.
> Poetry.
> Glow sticks
> Dancing
> Flowers
> Candles that smell good
> Skirts I can twirl in.
> Road trips!
> Ice cream
> Crying because I miss/will miss someone so much. (This makes me sad, in a sad-is-happy-for-deep-people way. Because it's beautiful that you can love someone so much that the thought of them gone makes you cry.)
> The fact that summer is coming.
That's all I can think of for now.
Farewell. Enjoy life.