Abundant Life

With our English Partners and the Vida Joven team

This post is extremely late getting up, so I apologize.

As you may or may not know, I recently(ish) went to Managua, Nicaragua on a mission trip with my Ministry and Missions class.

I'm trying to process the trip still. I'm really not sure where to start. There're so many aspects of it, and in hindsight it's all choppy and fragmented and I will leave things out, so I'm sorry.

It was beautiful
exhausting
refreshing
hilarious
draining
fulfilling
hot
fun
surprising
emotional
enlightening.

It so full of joy and wonderful people and good food and lessons learned and deep conversations and awkward moments.

No sleep. Hammocks. Swimming. Frisbee. Tight pants. Amazing people. Sweat. Dancing. Ridiculous skits. Best friends. Joy. Laughter. Jesus. Volcanoes. Lizards. Scorpions. Ella. Gilbert. Dito. Pratt. Eliezar.  Steysy. Ashley. Adda. Bonfires. Stargazing. Girl talks. Yelling until we lost our voices. Bus rides. "Self-discovery." Spanish. Taylor Swift. Folklore. Christ in Culture. Will's guitar. Relationships. Fruit. Plantains. Good, deep conversations.

One or two of the classes we worked with.

I just... I didn't expect it to be quite as fun as it was. It was so very uplifting and encouraging. I learned so, so much, and I was exhausted every night, but I was so refreshed, too.

I'm trying to put this all into words, so bear with me.

God taught me a lot about love and joy and about meeting people where they are. He taught me about finding rest and fulfillment in him. He taught me about healthy, true, positive relationships. He taught me that He is the same God working in a university in Managua as in Wichita as in Bangalore as in New York City and as large as the world is, He is infinitely bigger. It was such a good time to be reminded of that, at least for me. Everything changes in the next four, five, six months for most of us. Less time than that for Kaleigh and Pablo. But God doesn't change, whether we're in Asia or Hawaii or Chicago or Texas or New York or Kansas. And that's so very comforting.

We spent our days teaching, talking, being ridiculous, drawing people in, connecting students to Vida Joven. It doesn't sound like much, but coming up with conversation topics to last hours is super hard, not to mention tiring. Every day was a roller coaster of energy. It would be sky-high at one moment and crashing the next. Vida Joven itself is so high-energy and relational that there were moments when I, as an introvert, wanted to curl up by myself and sleep. But God gave us all energy every time we needed it.

It was like being on stage sometimes. Not that we were acting or performing (although sometimes we were), but in the sense that the actors feed off the audience's energy and vice versa. We fed off the Nicas enthusiasm and energy, and they did the same with us. It was a huge give and take.

And in the evenings, when most of us went and stargazed, there were times when I just sat on my bed/laid in my hammock to process/journal/pray/ just be alone.

There was one night where all eleven of us were in hammocks just chilling/journaling/listening to music. We weren't really talking to each other, there were soft murmured conversations and "Can you pass me that pen?" and such, but it was mostly just Matt Corby or Ben Howard or hymns and us each with our thoughts. Stargazing nights were good too. We'd lay out blankets and towels and sprawl out after swimming and dinner, a tangle of wet hair and dirty feet. We talked about the past, the present, the future. We were serious. We were silly. There were so many little moments of bonding.

But our days were so much better. Nicaragua, like most hot-climate cultures, is very, very relational. We could meet people and be best friends with them twenty minutes later. It was crazy. Everyone was full of boundless energy, whether it was midnight and they were greeting us at the airport or nine a.m. when we were in class.

The classes were really fun. We acted out the Wizard of Oz, line danced, had an Easter Egg hunt, listened to one of the most talented violinists I've ever heard, created dozens of skits, talked about ourselves, about the States, about God, about the Nicas.

This was right before an Easter Egg hunt

On Friday, the Vida Joven team came to the camp where were staying to hang out with us -- swim, hammock, eat dinner, pray, etc. -- and on the bus, I got to hang out with several of them. We bonded over music, my limited Spanish, magic tricks, and trying to draw on David's face as he slept. There were all sorts of times like that. I got to hear "Sorry" by Justin Bieber in Spanish because I heard it playing from another building and started dancing. (Guys, Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift are international. And One Direction.) Another time, I said my dog's name was Oakley and one of the guys asked if it was after Tyler Oakley. And then after that we were friends.

In one of the very first classes we were in, we acted out The Wizard of Oz. This was tricky, as few -- if any -- of the Nicas had seen it. Despite this, one of the girls in my group did a perfect Wicked Witch impression, just from my vague description. It was amazing.

Dancing. Makes. Friends. We showed them swing dancing, they showed us Nicaraguan folklore dances, and we all line danced and shimmied and nae-nae-d (is that even a word?) together. It was so cool. So stinking cool.

Don't doubt the power of weird questions or wearing wigs or breaking tables.

I think part of what I loved about the trip was how natural it felt. It never felt forced. We just naturally became friends and naturally talked about God and naturally cried when we left. I think that has a lot, a lot to do with Nicaraguan culture, but I also think we got a little at living life on mission on the trip. I also loved that even when we were just discussing Guardians of the Galaxy or the Intern, we still had a purpose. Everything felt intentional, while still natural. I don't know if I'm describing this well, but I'm sure it was because of the Vida Joven team's planning. Something else that was really well done, in my humble opinion, was the fact that we connected people to the team who is permanently in Managua, at UCA. Many of them went to Vida Joven club after we left. They sent us a video. I can't tell you how excited we were to see them and pick out faces we knew.

The people we met... I hope we blessed them a fraction of how much as they blessed us. Ella, Eliezar, Steysy, Pratt, and Gilbert were our main group. They were with us basically 24/7 and they taught us soooo much. Ella was a huge encouragement to us girls, as a young, single, white girl in a foreign country alone. Steysy was overwhelming kind and patient with us, and I am so grateful to her. All the Vida Joven people were so cool and kind and helpful. And our English partners were amazing and I could talk for hours about each person, but I won't.

"White shadow!" we stage-whispered

We got to explore a lot of the city of Managua -- the hill, the lakeshore, the cathedrals. We also went to a market in Masaya, stayed at a pineapple farm, and swam in a volcanic crater. I really appreciated all the different aspects of Nicaragua we got to see, even though we were only there for a week. The area around the cathedrals had vendors selling ice cream on the street, and kids running after us asking for money. In stark contrast, the volcano beach was the most touristy place we went. There were a couple of other groups of Americans there, and every time they talked we got super confused. We were so used to knowing everyone with an American accent that it seriously threw us off.

I'm sorry, I still feel like I'm not doing the trip and the people justice, but this is the best I can express it. And sorry, it's like a month late. Oops.

This is Alex. He had us sign his shirt after we painted tables before we said good-bye on Saturday. 

Kaleigh and her English partners, Angie, Fabiola, and Cassandra

Will and William the violinist

Jenifers, Sarah, and Fernanda

Andres, T-Pa, and Devin

Bielka, Lauren, Marvin, and Allison

John, Carlos, Andres, David, Nefi, Marcos, and Alvaro

Cinthia, Julia, Scarleth, and Sahara

Team Mangos! Me, David, Elise, Pratt in the background on the phone, and the one and only Gilbert!

Gabriella with Maria Alejandra, Elise, Arianne, and Maria Gabriella

Devin and Marcos

****All photo credit to Paul, aka my hero. Seriously, knowing that someone else is photographing every second of the trip -- and photographing it well -- is so freeing. Thank you, Paul!! You're the best****

You Can Take This as "Addi's Moving to New York!"

Next fall, I will be attending the King's College in New York City.

(Random fun fact: I am unable to hear/see the words "New York City" without then thinking, "Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?" Perhaps I should have a post about Hamilton in the future. Hmm...)

I'm a little scared, I'm not gonna lie. I'm scared to be that far away. I'm sad that it mean that I'll probably miss a lot of my siblings' shows or games or birthdays. I'm scared that I'll lose some of the friendships I have here. (And I know I'll lose a couple... but still. I hate the idea.) I'm scared about silly things like having to remember my phone number without Holly's help or remembering directions or not being able to ask Mom to double check my papers (actually, I'll probably still email her my papers). I'm scared that I'll get lost in the bigness of the city and the people. Not physically lost, but more like... forgotten, almost? I'm not sure how to describe this. I'm not sure if I even really know what I'm saying. Maybe we'll come back to it if I figure it out.

But I'm also so very excited.

I think I will be challenged at King's, and I want that. I'm ready for something that will be hard in a good way. Not in a "This is impossible and ridiculous and pointless" way, but a "this is new and hard and good and will make me a better person/student/writer/etc" way. Does that make sense?

I'm excited for the opportunities that come with King's and New York City. Whether that be seeing shows on Broadway -- which will be rare because I'm going to be sooo broke -- or joining a new club -- they have a swing dancing club, which sounds awesome, despite my lack of skill -- or internships at publishing houses, or studying abroad -- you can go to Oxford, for one. Yes, please.

I'm excited to live in New York City. I'm excited to live in the center of culture. I'm excited to have a tiny apartment and have to figure out how to decorate it. I'm excited to hunt down record stores and vintage boutiques in a new city. I'm excited for the independence that comes with moving away (which also kind of scares me, but it's fine).

I'm excited to meet new people. Like, do you ever think about how many people there are in the world? And that they all have different stories and interests and backgrounds and the idea of meeting more people just makes me really happy and also kind of fills me with social anxiety but you know, it's fine.

I'm excited to be a part of the House of Clara Barton (who won the House Cup this year, so that's a pretty good sign). I'm really glad the House System exists. I'm glad to know that there's a group of people who will have my back and be there for me, especially at first. Six or seven of the girls already followed me on Instagram and it made me feel really welcomed and happy.

I'm excited to see how God will use me in the next year/next four years/rest of my life.

I'm just excited to see what happens next.

Heck, I'm even excited for the business casual dress code, because I'm gonna wear vintage dresses all the time. (I actually am very interested to see how people make business-casual their own. Like, how do I combine business casual and indie grunge and vintage class? Is that even possible? I'm so excited it's ridiculous.)

I think it'll be worth it. Worth the fear and sacrifice. I know God has a plan, even if my plan only goes as far as moving day. It'll be good.

Anyway, now you all know.

Dear Fifteen-Year-Old Me,

Oh goodness. Freshman me. Just as awkward, far more innocent, so much more judgemental and insecure. Sweet, shy, ridiculous freshman me. Here are some things you should know:

-- Learn to love the States. I know you struggle with fitting in right now, and you struggle with anger towards most of the people in this country, but they know not what they do. They don't know about the people living under the caste system. They haven't experienced the crowds of Commercial Street or the monsoon season or pain of leaving your friends in a different country. They have not met the girls orphaned or abandoned in villages. They haven't sat through traffic for two hours in order to get to youth group. They will want a 30-second description of two years of your life, and you will want to hate them for that. I promise, I promise you it gets better. Remember: But for the grace of God, you could be where they are. The problems and blessings in the States will take a lot of re-learning, but they are there. Every country is flawed, every people group is flawed, and yet there is still beauty in all of them. It will take a while to feel like you belong here, and for that I am sorry.

-- Make good girl friends. And good guy friends. Just make friends. Be kind and don't prejudge people. The kids who annoyed you to no end sophomore might be your good friends senior year. Let them grow up. Heck, let yourself grow up.

-- Accept that no one is perfect. Not you, not your friends, not your teachers, not your parents. Everyone messes up, so give grace.

-- Don't just complain about things you dislike. Work on changing it if you can, and if you can't change it then suck it up and move on.

-- Sophomore year will be basically awful, but focus on the good things. Mrs. B, your new friends, dancing in the "Marian Librarian" scene, Jahn, The Name of the Wind, Newspaper, Concert Choir... It's not all bad. You'll grow and learn a lot this year, in spite of -- or really because of  -- the fact that it's mostly horrible.

-- Try new things. Do a sport. Try art. Let yourself be bad at things for the sake of learning. You might find out you love (and kind of hate) swimming or something.

-- Be silly and goofy. Don't worry about what people think. You'll be far happier if you just do what you want. Laugh at your mistakes and awkward moments. Store up embarrassing stories, because they make great ice breakers. Just accept that you are an awkward, clumsy human who can't do phone calls properly and spills everything and is just generally awkward.

-- Within the confines of the law and your parents' wishes, do crazy, stupid things. Be careful, but don't be fearful.

-- Don't get wrapped up in your friends' boy drama. Just don't. Be there for them, absolutely. But don't get sucked into the cycle of love and heartbreak.

-- Don't get wrapped up in your own boy drama. I don't mean "Swear off boys/dating completely." I mean, don't let youself become consumed by a boy at this point. Be wise. Pray through everything. Be cautious with whom you allow your heart. Some guys suck, and others just aren't right for you. It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to try, it's okay for your heart to leap and for you to giggle with happiness after your first kiss or to cry after a breakup. But know who you are in Christ and know that no boy is perfect. None can "complete" you. Only Jesus can.

-- It's okay to let your friendships change over the years. It's okay to let go of people who aren't healthy for you to be around. Surround yourself with people who bring you joy and help you become a better person.

-- Embrace the geek within you. Own the fact that you play DragonVale and ship Dramione and listen to musicals about American history and read more than you work out and can quote Doctor Who and love Benedict Cumberbatch. Geek will be cool in a couple years. Or at least cooler. Well. At least not weird.

-- Your relationships are more important than your grades. Sometimes you need to get out and chill in Kris's basement or Ellen's backyard and just talk about stuff instead of doing a Government study guide. That being said, don't just blow off your grades completely. Turn off Netflix and do your math homework. Seriously.

-- Get Spotify asap. You will love it. Listen to all sorts of music and become somewhat familar with popular songs/dances. Dance parties are bonding experiences, and a decent Charleston can get you far in life.

-- Be grateful for the opportunities you get. Because you will have some fabulous opportunities. You will meet amazing people and be a part of amazing things and go amazing places. So take a moment and be thankful for them.

-- Get off your phone/computer/etc. sometimes. It's good for your soul.

-- Make your relationship with God a priority. Be a person after God's heart. "Improve your serve." This one actually takes you a long time to learn, but work at it. Love God, love people. Sounds simple, until you have to do Chemistry homework and memorize the presidents and make notecards for a research paper and work on musical stuff. Those things will alllll fade away, Addi. Christ and people will not.

-- Don't overcommit. Say no sometimes. It's good for you. It's hard, but it's good.

-- It's okay to cry during all movies ever. And all books. Which is good, because you do. Just go with it. If you're lucky, as cute boy will take pity on you and let you cry into his shoulder. (Just kidding. That never happens. You just cry alone over Harry Potter and eat ice cream.)

-- Do not place your value in your grades, your popularity, your talents, your looks, your likes on social media, your "spiritual-ness," or basically anything outside of the fact of knowing that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Don't fall into a comparison trap. Place your self-esteem in the fact that you are God's child and He has created you. Other's opinions of you -- and even your opinions of yourself -- will change, but God's love will not. I cannot even explain to you how important this is.

-- Don't ask boys what they're laughing about, especially if/when you're good enough friends that they'll actually tell you. You don't want to know. Trust me. 

The Big City

Over the course of this semester, I've gotten to go to Chicago and New York City on college visits.

I thought I would like Chicago far more than New York City, going just from their reputations.

I was wrong.

I really like NYC. It's not nearly as scary or crazy as people make it sound. Now, to be fair, I spent most of my time in the Financial District, which is mostly just business people. We did go to Broadway and Times Square and Grand Central Station. There was not a single time there when I felt unsafe or out of my element. Sure, there's a lot of people, and yeah there's not much green, but it didn't seem like this big, cruel machine. Everyone we encountered was nice. That being said, New York isn't a place where people are going to strike a conversation with you in the elevator or on the subway. But I don't think that's really normal anywhere (well, maybe the South? I don't know).

New York is more European than anywhere else I've been in America. I think maybe my time in London, Paris, and Rome prepared for that. Also, there were several times that reminded me of Bangalore. Other parents visiting would be marveling at the crowds or the traffic or the dirt, and Mom and I were just like, "I didn't think it was bad at all."

This post is actually sounding more pretentious/stuck-up by the second. I don't mean to be like, "Oh, you just think New York is crazy and scary because you've never been out of the Midwest." I would probably be overwhelmed too had it not been for living in India. As it was, I felt quite at home.

I've been wondering, for a while now, if that time in India was preparing me for something else. Now I'm wondering if this school and this city is that "something else." I don't know. It's too soon to tell. But the school I visited -- the King's College -- was amazing. I fell in love with it. I like it so much more than either of the other schools I'm considering, which surprised me. I didn't expect myself to adore this tiny little private school in the heart of Manhattan. I didn't expect to want to live in a skyscraper and have to probably work at least two jobs and wear business casual every day and have to make my own food and live that far away from home.

But I do. A lot. It scares me more than any of the other schools, but I think it's a good kind of fear. It's going to be a challenge, and I want a challenge.

That all being said, nothing is decided. Lots could change in the next six months -- heck, a lot could change in the next six weeks. So don't take this as an "Addi's moving to New York!" post. No. I'm just saying that as of right now, I would very much like to go to New York.

So that's the current status of my college search. 

Impostor Syndrome and Other Fears

Okay so the following post is from January 24, when I was in my car without internet. And there's like, an update/followup thing at the end.

**********************************************************************
Impostor Syndrome.

So I’m currently on my way to a scholarship competition and the past week or so, this has all been bouncing around in my head.

Do you ever feel like at some point everyone is going to realize that you’re not actually a deep thinker, or a leader, or a great Christian, or a good singer or writer or whatever?

That fear hit me really, really hard this week as I was preparing for auditions and interviews and everything.

That’s not to say that I have lied and said that I am any of these things. People have told me I am for years now, and maybe it’s just deep-rooted insecurity that made “impostor syndrome” crop up right now.

Because… I thought I was all of those things, until fairly recently, and now… I’m scared that I’m not? That all of the things that people associate with me, that I associate with me… that I’m not actually those things. And now I’m scared that if I can discover that, maybe everyone else will.

And that’s scary as heck.

(I realize I have said “that” about twelve billion times in this post. So sorry.)

To be honest, I am not scared of very much. Rollercoasters. Disappointing my parents. Gas stations after dark. Not being used for the Kingdom of God. Being trapped. Not being worthy.

Which is stupid, because no one is “worthy.” That’s the point of grace.

And I know that I myself can’t do anything on my own and that it’s really all God and that my identity shouldn’t be found in my talents or lack thereof and absolutely should not be found in people’s perception of me but…

I’m still scared.

Maybe it’s that fact that I have tried, really hard to be comfortable as who I am and be genuine and honest (although sometimes I’m really not) and so the idea that people would think that I’ve been faking everything scares me…

I really can’t put my finger on it.

There’s just a lot of pent-up anxiety and insecurity, okay.

And it all decided that right now would be the best time to show up.

Uggggh.

**********************************************************************

So, that scholarship thing went pretty well. But more importantly, I kind of learned, over that weekend, that 

1. God knows what's up and you can trust Him. 

2. My value is not my abilities or lack thereof. 

I was actually standing in the bathroom before my audition, staring at myself in the mirror and praying that over and over. 

"Remind me where my value lies... Help me use my talents for Your glory alone." 

Just those two ideas in different wordings, the whole time of that weekend. 

And it was great. It helped, a lot. The next scholarship thing came around, and I didn't get nearly as nervous or stressed. 

Well. I didn't get nervous or stressed about the same things. 

And that's something I really want to work on this year. I struggle with pride sooo much, and I want this year to strip me of my ego. I don't want to have to randomly switch between super arrogant and super terrified, which is pretty much what I currently do. (I sincerely hope that that's all in my head and doesn't spill out into how I act around other people. Because ugh that's annoying.)

So I guess this year, one of my goals/prayers is that I am able to direct my confidence and security and value in the right place (that is, God) and not in myself and my abilities/possessions/gifts.

Now that's a rather scary prayer. 

2015

2015 was... Fast. Fun. Weird? Good. Sometimes sad and confusing.
It was so full of... new-ness.
It was losing some friends to distance and being reunited with others.
It was road trips and laughter.
It was poetry nights at Abilene's and picnics in Kris' basement.
It was old vinyls and pretty dresses.
It was new friends and new experiences.
It was swim meets and singing and some of the best musicals I've ever done.
It was the library and Spotify.
It was fangirling over Troye Sivan in the Fine Arts office, rapping the entirety of "Migraine," listening to Bon Iver at night with Holly and Kensi, freaking out when "Jenny" came on at prom.
It was ridiculous costumes and spectacle points and endless coffee shops.
It was the party van and singing Les Miserables with Abby at the top of our lungs.
It was fanfiction and DragonVale, Star Wars and Man of La Mancha, C.S. Lewis and Sarah J. Maas. It was singing on buses and singing in the car.
It was second-hand weed and friends who are more like family and watching Inception four times in the same weekend.
It was shouting over key signatures and being overly competitive about naming rhythms.
It was swing-dancing and bonfires.
It was a whole lot of me realizing I don't understand people or the world or why things happen as they do.
It made me rethink what I want and who I am and all sorts of deep stuff.
It was... good.

Cookie Dough (A Summary of Senior Year So Far)

Hello.

Hi.

Yeah, um.

What do people talk about?

How do I have like six or seven social media platforms, at least three of which I spend hours on everyday, and yet I really don't have much to say?

That's sickening.

Ugh.

So, life these days.

College applications. Panicking about college auditions. Listening to Adele's "Hello" and Troye Sivan's Wild pretty much constantly. Wishing I was in a musical. Waiting for Lil to come (she'll be here in TWO DAYS!). Being waaay behind of where I should be on NaNoWriMo. Still being sad about James and Lily Potter's death (it's been what, thirty-four years? Is my math right?). Struggling to write music. Working at the library and checking out more books than I can read.

The usual, really.

Life is so weird lately. It's going so fast and yet so very slow. I feel like I'm in an awkward in-between place, where most of my time is spent planning and getting ready for things to come. Which I'm not good at, nor do I like. There are days when I get all panicky and scared and want to cry about college and paying for college and college auditions and everything. But there are also days when I don't even care. I'll go wherever and be fine with it and pay for it somehow. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

These viewpoints are a little at odds with each other.

I'm fine. I'll be fine. I get through the panicky days with cookie dough and fanfiction. I get through the "I'll deal with it later" days with Spotify and NaNoWriMo-ing and more cookie dough.

There's been an unhealthy amount of cookie dough this year.

Things are coming together, though. I have a top three list of colleges. I still don't know what I'm majoring in (go figure), but I'm pretty sure I'm going to minor in music. Even though it is so hard some days, I love it so very much. I know I want to write and travel and love God and love people and point them back to Him however I can. I want to go and learn and experience new things.

So really, my life plans haven't changed much. I think that's good. However vague they may still be, I think they're starting to take shape. Still not sure what that shape is, but hey, that's half the fun (and half the stress, but whatever).

Anywho. I thought I'd give you a few updates before I go write 2,000+ words before going to bed.

Please insert a slightly terrified smile here.

Later, skaters. Have a beautiful day/evening full of cookie dough and Adele. ;)

Here We Go: Road Trip Diaries -- Part One

July 3, 2015

Day 1

States Traversed: Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico

Hours on the Road: 9.5

This morning, I was awakened at the unholy hour of 5:30 am. We finished getting ready (filling coolers with ice, downloading Spotify playlists, cleaning the kitchen…) and were out the door by 7:30.

Fueled by McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches and the spirit of adventure, we started our journey in high spirits. 

We stopped in Greensburg, Kansas, in the morning. It’s a tiny little town that was almost completely destroyed by a tornado in 2007 (please note that the following conversation actually occurred:

Dad: So there was a tornado a few years ago that completely wiped out Greensburg—

Me: I think it was more like eight years ago.

Dad: It was not that long.

*inside the museum*

Lady: We were hit by a tornado eight years ago, in 2007.

Me: Boom, baby.

Moral of the story: I am a genius.)

Greensburg also has the World’s Biggest Hand-Dug Well. (No joke). There’s a museum around the well, and it also talks about the town’s history, the tornado, and the recovery from the tornado. The museum was actually really cool. We got to go down in the well and run around a little bit (not in the well, just in the museum). It was really weird to think how much was taken from the town eight years ago. They just finished rebuilding the movie theater a couple months ago. Twelve people died, and everyone lost almost everything (95% of the town was destroyed.) When they started rebuilding, they decided they wanted to be green and environmentally friendly. Greensburg is the “Model Green City.” I really like that. I like that they decided to do something positive and make the best of the situation. It’s inspiring. 

When we got back in the car, I (semi-jokingly) said we should make a “Roadtrip: Expectations vs. Reality” video. The family jumped on the idea. Holly films and edits, and the rest of us act. It’s extremely entertaining. I’ll post the link once it’s done.

During this, Mom played “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten approximately twelve times in a row.

Stop #2 was in Mead, KS, for the Dalton Gang Hideout. We didn’t actually go in the hideout, because it required more time and money than we wanted to spend, but we took pictures and played in the courtyard-ish area. 

A door. And Holly.

Behind the storefronts of the "courtyard-ish area"

We ate lunch in the car after we passed Liberal (still in Kansas), and about two minutes after getting our pizza and fruit arranged and ready to eat, we got to the “Welcome to Oklahoma” sign. So then we all had to pile out and take a picture. 

I’m not really sure what happened after that, because I slept. I remember getting out when we hit Texas, but then I think I napped all through Texas. 

We were alongside a railroad track for a really long time, and I think that’s about when we lost it. 

The fam woke me up when we hit New Mexico. We stopped in an itty-bitty town and bought corn on the cob from a truck. It was awesome. 

New Mexico is really pretty. The sky is paler in Kansas. And it feels huge. You can see incredibly far. This is probably because there aren’t really any trees. There’s little bushes that amuse me, because they’re short and round and everywhere and so grumpy-looking. I love it. And there are so many shades of green. The grumpy bushes are dark, dark green. There are gray-green shrubs and yellow green flowers and bright green grass and blue green weeds. 

We camped in Moriarty, New Mexico (Holly and I exchanged a slightly panicked, quite delighted glance when we heard the name). We got there around six p.m. (and there was a time change, so it was really twelve hours before we got there. But we were really driving for about nine and a half or ten hours) and set up camp. Putting up the tent for the first time on a trip is always… entertaining. And by “entertaining,” I mean “a struggle.” But we got it sorted and safe to sleep in. Starting a fire was another challenge… Yeah, we were a bit of a mess tonight. I promise we go camping a lot and actually do know what we’re doing. 

Everyone was super tired (it’s incredible how draining nine hours in the car can), so after dinner and s’mores, we crashed. 

July 4, 2015

Day 2

States Traversed: New Mexico, Arizona

Hours on the Road: 9 (?)

Showers at campsites are risky business. We lucked out today. There was hot water and doors that latched and, despite many spiderwebs, no actual spiders. I was exceedingly grateful. 

Packing up this morning was surprisingly quick. Roll up the sleeping bags, pull down the tent, have the traditional “do we fold it in half or in thirds” debate, stuff everything in the trunk or strap it to the roof, google the nearest Starbucks. 

We might be hard-core travelers, but we’re not that hard-core. Quality caffeine is a must. (We eventually had to lower our standards).

We stopped at R.E.I. in Albuquerque and got a blanket and a hammer and we were off. 

Today mostly consisted of driving. Sooo much driving. 

It was supposed to be an easier day than yesterday, but it… wasn’t. 

We stopped in Gallup, New Mexico on Route 66 for some really freaking delicious enchiladas and sopapillas. I wish we’d had more time there. Everyone was friendly, the food was good, and there were pretty lights hanging across the street. One lady invited us to the Fourth of July party that night. Sadly, we had to keep going, but that stop was really nice.

Jerry's Cafe in Gallup, New Mexico

The afternoon’s driving was bruuuuuutal. The road went through the middle of nowhere, which I think it was why it was so bad. We didn’t see civilization for hours. 

Which is okay, if you’re expecting it. 

And if not everyone in your car needs to pee. 

Spirits were low, folks. 

Personally, I just read the whole time. (The 100, by Kass Morgan. Interesting, but not quite as rounded out as I would like. Bit too much kissing and not enough detail. And #Bellarke all the way.)

I also woke up this morning minus my voice. I’ve been sick since last Tuesday, and today my voice was gone. I never realize how much I like singing until I can’t. It’s one of the worst things ever. 

We finally made it to our campsite at (in?) Jacob’s Lake. To my joy, there were plenty of trees, and I finally got to use my hammock. It is wonderful and super relaxing and lovely and goes perfectly with a good book. (Latest is Fic by Anne Jamison – an exploration of fanfiction’s history and influence of literature. It’s totally fascinating and geeky and I adore it.)

July 5, 2015

Day 3

States Traversed: Arizona

Hours on the Road: 4

Photo Creds: My Mom

I have never seen so many wildflowers. There’s blue ones and white ones and purple and red and pink and orange and probably five different kinds of yellow ones. I love it. 

I’m fairly certain Arizona is the child of New Mexico and Colorado. Because some parts look like NM, all rocky and pretty flat and have the grumpy bushes. And other parts look like Colorado, foresty and mountainous and cool (cool as in not hot, not cool as in awesome. Although that too). 

We’re at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. I thought it would be desert-y, but no. It’s a forest, right up to the edge. I didn’t expect so many trees, and definitely not so many flowers. It’s a lot prettier than I thought. I like it. 

On our way from our campsite to Grand Canyon National Park, we drove through the most wonderful meadow ever. Flowers were everywhere, trees rimmed it, and not a fence or telephone pole in sight. It was glorious. We got out and frolicked. 

The Grand Canyon itself is… trippy. And freaking huge. I mean, I knew it was big, but it’s not “big,” it’s freaking ginormous and expansive and enormous and massive and wow. And there’s so many colors, layering and layering on each other for thousands of feet. It’s dizzying. It’s stunning. 

Apparently, on this side (the north), the cliffs are a lot more irregular and rocky, whereas on the South Rim, they’re more sheer. I think most of the pictures I’ve seen of the Grand Canyon are from the south (which is hardly fair) so the view we actually had surprised me. The very first spot, especially. It really confused me, actually. 

The other spots were better, either because they looked more familiar or because I knew what to expect, I’m not sure. But I did appreciate the later views far more than the first. 

It’s breathtaking, let me tell you. 

We were there a long time, coming back to our campsite around 3:30. Holly felt kinda sick (the roads are suuuuper curvy, I felt a tad queasy, too) and we all just slept/hammocked/read.

Mac and I went on a walk and then it started raining, so we all huddled in the tent to nap/read. After it stopped raining, we huddled around the fire to eat/read. There’s something about campfires that is very cozy. There was a lot of relaxed family bonding tonight, which, I think, was really the point of the trip. Seeing tons of America and going on a huge adventure was part of it, yes, but family time is honestly the best part, no matter how corny it may sound.

July 6, 2015

Day 4

States Traversed: Arizona, Utah, Arizona (again), Nevada, California, more Nevada, back to California

Hours on the Road: 8 

We started the morning with a super nourishing breakfast of Pop-Tarts and coffee/juice. Then we drove some more (heh). It’s a good thing we’re all good with just sitting and reading for hours on end... other people might think this much down-time to be boring. It’s not, really. It’s relaxing. We spent most of the morning dropping altitude. We came down so quick I had to pop my ears like three times. Almost as soon as we got to 4000 feet above sea level, 4G came back. Holly almost cried with joy (she had ninety-one Instagram notifications alone. I had four. Literally.) We had the data for all of five minutes, and that’s all we’d had in three days. Which was a bigger deal than is probably healthy...
We stopped at (*gasp*) Starbucks in Utah and kept going, descending pretty much the whole time. Our route through Utah was weird (whatcha doing to us, Google?) because we just drove in and out of Utah in like twenty minutes. 

Hello, again, Arizona.

This part of the trip looks like Tatooine, but with more shrubs and less pod-racers. We drove in between tall, pale, rocky cliffs littered with caves. And then – Bam! -- flat land for miles. 

Arizona is bloody weird. 

We then hit Nevada, which, as far as I can tell, is basically three things. 1) Desert, 2) Casinos, and 3) Palm trees (which do not seem to be 100% natural, either). I’m sorry, Nevada, but you are not my favorite state. 

The road had these funky dips in them that felt like a roller coaster. I drove for a while, and it was a bit scary. Fun, but scary. We were changing altitude allllll day. First we dropped altitude really fast, then went back up, came down, went up, came down, and finally went up to the mountains outside Yosemite. 

Our campsite in California was about an hour from Yosemite, and was kind of a sucker campsite. It was in a little town with one coffee shop and a diner and a couple tourist-y stores. The lawn was manicured, there were nice bathrooms ten feet away, and loads of RVs. It was kind of nice, though, because the grass was soft to sleep one and after a while of peeing in hole, the bathrooms were welcome.

I woke up about 3 am needing to pee (I was seriously grateful for the nice bathrooms then) and oh my cow the stars were beautiful. There were so many and they were sooo bright. It was gorgeous. 

July 7, 2015

Day 5

States Traversed: California

Hours on the Road: 3

Yosemite is Narnia, I am quite sure. It’s wonderful. Of all the National Parks I have been to, this is my favorite. There’s so much to explore. Rocks to climb, trees to crawl over, creeks to swim in. It’s amazing. 

We found a lake and went swimming in 64 degree weather (I made $5 by being the first one to go completely under water). The water is clearer than any I have ever seen. It was so cold though. A group of college-age guys (we think from Britain) got in right after we got out and they screamed like little girls. 

In the freezing water

I guess I forgot that people from other countries came to America. We heard so many different languages and accents. I didn’t realize how global Yosemite could be. Besides the British guys at the lake, there was an Australian family in the campsite next to us, a Japanese family that asked us to take their picture, two Swiss guys, German, Dutch, Indian, French… it was fascinating to me. 

Shoes are overrated.

The weather in the mountains was… random. Right when we came in, there was hail and rain and it was 54 degrees. Within five minutes, it went up to 70 and was sunny again. It went between 60 and almost 90 the rest of the day. It was crazy to me that the weather could be stranger than Kansas. 

There are so many opportunities for was wandering around in Yosemite. We went off in the woods and climbed trees and rocks and leaped across creeks and just wandered. It was so fun. 

We lucked out on our campsite for this night. Last night, Dad made a few calls asking about cancellations in the park. There was one. When we got there, a couple from LA were setting up in the campsite next to us. Apparently, this campground – and our spots in particular – sell out the first minute they go on sale. And it was obvious why. We were away from everyone else, there was a creek with a perfect spot for swimming just behind us, there were trees for hammocking, it was spacious… we lucked out, let me tell you.

The creek behind our campsite

We (the kids) went exploring and then ended up swimming in the creek, and it was sooo nice. Not as cold as the lake had been, and still clear, with rocks to climb on and jump off of. Seriously, the water in Yosemite is gorgeous. J'adore. 

Lower Yosemite Falls

To Be Continued...

New Year, New Adventures

2014 was mostly epic. Some parts were rough, some were boring, some were crazy fun. At the end of the year...

I'm falling in love with all things vintage.
I'm realizing how cool companies like Pemberly Digital and Starkid are and wondering how I can do something like that.
I drink black coffee now.
My love for mysteries is being reawakened.
I had a blast in the Sound of Music.
I'm in an actual relationship with a boy.
I helped host a poetry slam.
I'm in Madrigals.
I've fallen in love with The Dead Poets Society.
I got my driver's license.
I passed a semester of Pre-Calculus.
I went to the top of Pike's Peak.
I designed my own pages for the Knight Writer.
I got a dog.
I started a YouTube channel with Holly and Lilli.
I've become fascinated by Psychology.
I road tripped to Michigan with Grandma and Grandpa and Crey and Lil and Holly and Kensi.
I watched my friends go to college.
I met some of the epicest people.


2014 was just incredibly fast. I think this year will be ever faster, and also more fun. So we'll see how this goes.

Here's to new adventures.

Peace out.

Erm.

So I have posted in a month and a half.

Oops.

It's not like I'm busy, either. I mean I am now, sort of.

Not really. >_>

So here's what's up.

School started. I turned seventeen. I'm playing Sister Margaretta in The Sound of Music with CYT. I don't like Pre-Calculus. I've watched a LOT of Once Upon a Time in the past month. Doctor Who is back. I love Fahrenheit 451. We went to Colorado Springs. I have a severe caffeine addiction and it's getting worse. I want to go shopping for fall-ish dresses. I like rain. I did the ice bucket challenge. I got a new phone that has a REALLY GOOD camera, which is crazy exciting. I've listened to Problem by Ariana Grande so many times it's ridiculous. That song is my jam.

Here's a bunch of pictures. Enjoy.

Summertime Sadness

Actually, that title really has nothing to do with this post, I was just thinking of summer-y things and I thought of the Lana Del Ray song, so there ya have it.

I'm listening to Ed Sheeran right now.

I love his voice, and I love how his songs are all stories. In Joel's words, who would've thought that a song about a drug-addicted prostitute could be beautiful? But it is. And Give Me Love... ever since I watched the music video, this song gives me goosebumps. I feel like part of my love for it is just the raw beauty of Ed Sheeran's music, and the other part is that I feel like one of the greatest human longings is love. And even though in the song, and in most of life, people tend to look in the wrong places for this love, it's still something everyone connects to and understands.

I have listened to music obsessively lately. Spotify has become my most used app. Ben Howard, Jack Johnson, The Piano Guys, Lewis Watson, James Conner, and, obviously, Ed Sheeran, have been singing/playing in my ear constantly.

The learning bug came back today.

I don't know how or why, but I suddenly want to know a lot more than I do. This feeling kinda comes and goes, but it's been gone since like March.

And now I suddenly want to know what's going on in the world, and I want to learn about history, and God, and science (See, I like knowing stuff, I don't like being forced to know stuff. Huge difference), and I just want to know stuff.

So I'll probably be reading and/or watching Crash Course videos for the next week.

Adios.

P.S. Lol I fail at taking pictures.

P.P.S. Oakley is now huge. I need to take a picture of him, but he is no longer the tiny, helpless puppy he was.

Oh, I Almost Forgot...

 Meet Oakley Scout, our golden retriever puppy. He is six weeks old and the cutest puppy alive. I find it hilarious that he's a boy and named after two girls (Annie Oakley and Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird). He likes sleeping, exploring, watching Sherlock (I kid you not), and chewing on my toes (it's really weird, actually). He's precious and a little clumsy. Today he tried to dig under the fence, which was only somewhat successful and completely adorable.