Over-Caffeinated and Under-Motivated, Addi Suddenly Returns to the Scene

Good news, folks: I still possess the corner of the internet for my own thoughts/ramblings/stories/etc.

I realize my blog has been silent for three months. Oops?

Nothing like my impending doom in the form of finals to motivate me to blog.

Yes, I am procrastinating right now.

I want to talk about something that has been in the back of my head for a while.

*********************************************************************************

Since moving to New York, I have had dozens of people -- my old friends, my new friends, acquaintances, etc. -- comment on my life. I'm so lucky, people are jealous, life goals, that's so cool, I'm brave, etc. etc.

(Side note: This is literally the only picture I have of Times Square and I definitely just took it because of the Fantastic Beasts posters.)

And YES I am blessed beyond belief. If twelve-year-old me could see me now, she would be amazed and vaguely impressed. Also probably a little disappointed that I'm not actually on Broadway. (Lol at twelve/thirteen/fourteen-year-old me who had very different hopes and dreams and also an obsession with Wicked.)

I didn't ever think I would actually get to live here and have so many cool experiences and meet such amazing people. I NEVER thought I would be brave enough to live this far away from my family, but I am. I wouldn't have believed that I would get to stand backstage, even just for a bit, after a Broadway show, but I did. (Hopefully I will again.) I never thought I would get to make art museums and beautiful libraries my study haunts, but here we are. I definitely never thought I'd sleep on the streets of New York.

So, yes, I am living my dream.

But there's a lot that comes with that.

There's little mental breakdowns. There's drama amongst friends. There are homesickness and dirty dishes and hospital runs. There are whole seasons of New Girl and Teen Wolf because I don't know how to manage my time (see above, where I admit I am procrastinating literally right now). There are times when all I eat is muffins and cookies. There's the mild anxiety about everything from my grades to finding a job to what is my purpose and why am I here and am I living up to that and if I don't know what I want/am supposed to be doing then what am I working towards?

I guess... I thought, for some reason, that when I got to college everything would work itself out. College students would be much more mature than high schoolers, I would suddenly be responsible and less clumsy and awkward (HAH), a job or two would suddenly appear, etc. etc.

Naive, at best. Nothing like New York to give you a nice, cold reality check.

And as my first semester ends, I have learned a lot. Mostly what not to do. Mostly from experience.
I've learned that while I am very bad at time management and directions, I can do it.

I've learned how I need to organize everything from my notes to my to-do lists, because I have failed at both.

I can talk to strangers, although that works best if they start the conversation.

I have made doctors appointments ON THE PHONE by myself without saying something stupid.

I've gotten lost.

I've gone to the hospital.

I have failed quizzes and not turned in a paper and said really stupid things in class. Stupid as in pure blonde-moment, seriously-Addi-that-is-common-knowledge stuff.

I have embarrassed myself in every way possible and recovered.

And it has worked out okay. Not much scares me at this point. I will get through with a decent GPA and some solid friends and a lovely church.

This first semester has been wonderful. But, at the same time, it's been rough. Trust me, next semester can only get better.

So... what I've learned is that even "living the dream" is faaaaar from perfect. Because I am still a mess. And you know, it's real life.

But I'll be okay. I can handle New York with a little help from Jesus and my squad.

*********************************************************************************

Postscript: I reserve the right to take any and all of this back after my final grades are posted. There's still a decent chance I cannot handle anything and am actually just running on false confidence brought on by an abundance of caffeine.

Post-Postscript: Also, if someone wants to move in with me and take pictures for my blog or honestly just teach me how to use a camera so I don't have to subject everyone to blurry photos from my phone, that would be great.