Abundant Life

With our English Partners and the Vida Joven team

This post is extremely late getting up, so I apologize.

As you may or may not know, I recently(ish) went to Managua, Nicaragua on a mission trip with my Ministry and Missions class.

I'm trying to process the trip still. I'm really not sure where to start. There're so many aspects of it, and in hindsight it's all choppy and fragmented and I will leave things out, so I'm sorry.

It was beautiful
exhausting
refreshing
hilarious
draining
fulfilling
hot
fun
surprising
emotional
enlightening.

It so full of joy and wonderful people and good food and lessons learned and deep conversations and awkward moments.

No sleep. Hammocks. Swimming. Frisbee. Tight pants. Amazing people. Sweat. Dancing. Ridiculous skits. Best friends. Joy. Laughter. Jesus. Volcanoes. Lizards. Scorpions. Ella. Gilbert. Dito. Pratt. Eliezar.  Steysy. Ashley. Adda. Bonfires. Stargazing. Girl talks. Yelling until we lost our voices. Bus rides. "Self-discovery." Spanish. Taylor Swift. Folklore. Christ in Culture. Will's guitar. Relationships. Fruit. Plantains. Good, deep conversations.

One or two of the classes we worked with.

I just... I didn't expect it to be quite as fun as it was. It was so very uplifting and encouraging. I learned so, so much, and I was exhausted every night, but I was so refreshed, too.

I'm trying to put this all into words, so bear with me.

God taught me a lot about love and joy and about meeting people where they are. He taught me about finding rest and fulfillment in him. He taught me about healthy, true, positive relationships. He taught me that He is the same God working in a university in Managua as in Wichita as in Bangalore as in New York City and as large as the world is, He is infinitely bigger. It was such a good time to be reminded of that, at least for me. Everything changes in the next four, five, six months for most of us. Less time than that for Kaleigh and Pablo. But God doesn't change, whether we're in Asia or Hawaii or Chicago or Texas or New York or Kansas. And that's so very comforting.

We spent our days teaching, talking, being ridiculous, drawing people in, connecting students to Vida Joven. It doesn't sound like much, but coming up with conversation topics to last hours is super hard, not to mention tiring. Every day was a roller coaster of energy. It would be sky-high at one moment and crashing the next. Vida Joven itself is so high-energy and relational that there were moments when I, as an introvert, wanted to curl up by myself and sleep. But God gave us all energy every time we needed it.

It was like being on stage sometimes. Not that we were acting or performing (although sometimes we were), but in the sense that the actors feed off the audience's energy and vice versa. We fed off the Nicas enthusiasm and energy, and they did the same with us. It was a huge give and take.

And in the evenings, when most of us went and stargazed, there were times when I just sat on my bed/laid in my hammock to process/journal/pray/ just be alone.

There was one night where all eleven of us were in hammocks just chilling/journaling/listening to music. We weren't really talking to each other, there were soft murmured conversations and "Can you pass me that pen?" and such, but it was mostly just Matt Corby or Ben Howard or hymns and us each with our thoughts. Stargazing nights were good too. We'd lay out blankets and towels and sprawl out after swimming and dinner, a tangle of wet hair and dirty feet. We talked about the past, the present, the future. We were serious. We were silly. There were so many little moments of bonding.

But our days were so much better. Nicaragua, like most hot-climate cultures, is very, very relational. We could meet people and be best friends with them twenty minutes later. It was crazy. Everyone was full of boundless energy, whether it was midnight and they were greeting us at the airport or nine a.m. when we were in class.

The classes were really fun. We acted out the Wizard of Oz, line danced, had an Easter Egg hunt, listened to one of the most talented violinists I've ever heard, created dozens of skits, talked about ourselves, about the States, about God, about the Nicas.

This was right before an Easter Egg hunt

On Friday, the Vida Joven team came to the camp where were staying to hang out with us -- swim, hammock, eat dinner, pray, etc. -- and on the bus, I got to hang out with several of them. We bonded over music, my limited Spanish, magic tricks, and trying to draw on David's face as he slept. There were all sorts of times like that. I got to hear "Sorry" by Justin Bieber in Spanish because I heard it playing from another building and started dancing. (Guys, Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift are international. And One Direction.) Another time, I said my dog's name was Oakley and one of the guys asked if it was after Tyler Oakley. And then after that we were friends.

In one of the very first classes we were in, we acted out The Wizard of Oz. This was tricky, as few -- if any -- of the Nicas had seen it. Despite this, one of the girls in my group did a perfect Wicked Witch impression, just from my vague description. It was amazing.

Dancing. Makes. Friends. We showed them swing dancing, they showed us Nicaraguan folklore dances, and we all line danced and shimmied and nae-nae-d (is that even a word?) together. It was so cool. So stinking cool.

Don't doubt the power of weird questions or wearing wigs or breaking tables.

I think part of what I loved about the trip was how natural it felt. It never felt forced. We just naturally became friends and naturally talked about God and naturally cried when we left. I think that has a lot, a lot to do with Nicaraguan culture, but I also think we got a little at living life on mission on the trip. I also loved that even when we were just discussing Guardians of the Galaxy or the Intern, we still had a purpose. Everything felt intentional, while still natural. I don't know if I'm describing this well, but I'm sure it was because of the Vida Joven team's planning. Something else that was really well done, in my humble opinion, was the fact that we connected people to the team who is permanently in Managua, at UCA. Many of them went to Vida Joven club after we left. They sent us a video. I can't tell you how excited we were to see them and pick out faces we knew.

The people we met... I hope we blessed them a fraction of how much as they blessed us. Ella, Eliezar, Steysy, Pratt, and Gilbert were our main group. They were with us basically 24/7 and they taught us soooo much. Ella was a huge encouragement to us girls, as a young, single, white girl in a foreign country alone. Steysy was overwhelming kind and patient with us, and I am so grateful to her. All the Vida Joven people were so cool and kind and helpful. And our English partners were amazing and I could talk for hours about each person, but I won't.

"White shadow!" we stage-whispered

We got to explore a lot of the city of Managua -- the hill, the lakeshore, the cathedrals. We also went to a market in Masaya, stayed at a pineapple farm, and swam in a volcanic crater. I really appreciated all the different aspects of Nicaragua we got to see, even though we were only there for a week. The area around the cathedrals had vendors selling ice cream on the street, and kids running after us asking for money. In stark contrast, the volcano beach was the most touristy place we went. There were a couple of other groups of Americans there, and every time they talked we got super confused. We were so used to knowing everyone with an American accent that it seriously threw us off.

I'm sorry, I still feel like I'm not doing the trip and the people justice, but this is the best I can express it. And sorry, it's like a month late. Oops.

This is Alex. He had us sign his shirt after we painted tables before we said good-bye on Saturday. 

Kaleigh and her English partners, Angie, Fabiola, and Cassandra

Will and William the violinist

Jenifers, Sarah, and Fernanda

Andres, T-Pa, and Devin

Bielka, Lauren, Marvin, and Allison

John, Carlos, Andres, David, Nefi, Marcos, and Alvaro

Cinthia, Julia, Scarleth, and Sahara

Team Mangos! Me, David, Elise, Pratt in the background on the phone, and the one and only Gilbert!

Gabriella with Maria Alejandra, Elise, Arianne, and Maria Gabriella

Devin and Marcos

****All photo credit to Paul, aka my hero. Seriously, knowing that someone else is photographing every second of the trip -- and photographing it well -- is so freeing. Thank you, Paul!! You're the best****

You Can Take This as "Addi's Moving to New York!"

Next fall, I will be attending the King's College in New York City.

(Random fun fact: I am unable to hear/see the words "New York City" without then thinking, "Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?" Perhaps I should have a post about Hamilton in the future. Hmm...)

I'm a little scared, I'm not gonna lie. I'm scared to be that far away. I'm sad that it mean that I'll probably miss a lot of my siblings' shows or games or birthdays. I'm scared that I'll lose some of the friendships I have here. (And I know I'll lose a couple... but still. I hate the idea.) I'm scared about silly things like having to remember my phone number without Holly's help or remembering directions or not being able to ask Mom to double check my papers (actually, I'll probably still email her my papers). I'm scared that I'll get lost in the bigness of the city and the people. Not physically lost, but more like... forgotten, almost? I'm not sure how to describe this. I'm not sure if I even really know what I'm saying. Maybe we'll come back to it if I figure it out.

But I'm also so very excited.

I think I will be challenged at King's, and I want that. I'm ready for something that will be hard in a good way. Not in a "This is impossible and ridiculous and pointless" way, but a "this is new and hard and good and will make me a better person/student/writer/etc" way. Does that make sense?

I'm excited for the opportunities that come with King's and New York City. Whether that be seeing shows on Broadway -- which will be rare because I'm going to be sooo broke -- or joining a new club -- they have a swing dancing club, which sounds awesome, despite my lack of skill -- or internships at publishing houses, or studying abroad -- you can go to Oxford, for one. Yes, please.

I'm excited to live in New York City. I'm excited to live in the center of culture. I'm excited to have a tiny apartment and have to figure out how to decorate it. I'm excited to hunt down record stores and vintage boutiques in a new city. I'm excited for the independence that comes with moving away (which also kind of scares me, but it's fine).

I'm excited to meet new people. Like, do you ever think about how many people there are in the world? And that they all have different stories and interests and backgrounds and the idea of meeting more people just makes me really happy and also kind of fills me with social anxiety but you know, it's fine.

I'm excited to be a part of the House of Clara Barton (who won the House Cup this year, so that's a pretty good sign). I'm really glad the House System exists. I'm glad to know that there's a group of people who will have my back and be there for me, especially at first. Six or seven of the girls already followed me on Instagram and it made me feel really welcomed and happy.

I'm excited to see how God will use me in the next year/next four years/rest of my life.

I'm just excited to see what happens next.

Heck, I'm even excited for the business casual dress code, because I'm gonna wear vintage dresses all the time. (I actually am very interested to see how people make business-casual their own. Like, how do I combine business casual and indie grunge and vintage class? Is that even possible? I'm so excited it's ridiculous.)

I think it'll be worth it. Worth the fear and sacrifice. I know God has a plan, even if my plan only goes as far as moving day. It'll be good.

Anyway, now you all know.

Impostor Syndrome and Other Fears

Okay so the following post is from January 24, when I was in my car without internet. And there's like, an update/followup thing at the end.

**********************************************************************
Impostor Syndrome.

So I’m currently on my way to a scholarship competition and the past week or so, this has all been bouncing around in my head.

Do you ever feel like at some point everyone is going to realize that you’re not actually a deep thinker, or a leader, or a great Christian, or a good singer or writer or whatever?

That fear hit me really, really hard this week as I was preparing for auditions and interviews and everything.

That’s not to say that I have lied and said that I am any of these things. People have told me I am for years now, and maybe it’s just deep-rooted insecurity that made “impostor syndrome” crop up right now.

Because… I thought I was all of those things, until fairly recently, and now… I’m scared that I’m not? That all of the things that people associate with me, that I associate with me… that I’m not actually those things. And now I’m scared that if I can discover that, maybe everyone else will.

And that’s scary as heck.

(I realize I have said “that” about twelve billion times in this post. So sorry.)

To be honest, I am not scared of very much. Rollercoasters. Disappointing my parents. Gas stations after dark. Not being used for the Kingdom of God. Being trapped. Not being worthy.

Which is stupid, because no one is “worthy.” That’s the point of grace.

And I know that I myself can’t do anything on my own and that it’s really all God and that my identity shouldn’t be found in my talents or lack thereof and absolutely should not be found in people’s perception of me but…

I’m still scared.

Maybe it’s that fact that I have tried, really hard to be comfortable as who I am and be genuine and honest (although sometimes I’m really not) and so the idea that people would think that I’ve been faking everything scares me…

I really can’t put my finger on it.

There’s just a lot of pent-up anxiety and insecurity, okay.

And it all decided that right now would be the best time to show up.

Uggggh.

**********************************************************************

So, that scholarship thing went pretty well. But more importantly, I kind of learned, over that weekend, that 

1. God knows what's up and you can trust Him. 

2. My value is not my abilities or lack thereof. 

I was actually standing in the bathroom before my audition, staring at myself in the mirror and praying that over and over. 

"Remind me where my value lies... Help me use my talents for Your glory alone." 

Just those two ideas in different wordings, the whole time of that weekend. 

And it was great. It helped, a lot. The next scholarship thing came around, and I didn't get nearly as nervous or stressed. 

Well. I didn't get nervous or stressed about the same things. 

And that's something I really want to work on this year. I struggle with pride sooo much, and I want this year to strip me of my ego. I don't want to have to randomly switch between super arrogant and super terrified, which is pretty much what I currently do. (I sincerely hope that that's all in my head and doesn't spill out into how I act around other people. Because ugh that's annoying.)

So I guess this year, one of my goals/prayers is that I am able to direct my confidence and security and value in the right place (that is, God) and not in myself and my abilities/possessions/gifts.

Now that's a rather scary prayer. 

Washington Is The Best State: Road Trip Diaries -- Part Three

July 14, 2015
Day 12
Hours on the Road: 5
States Traversed: Washington

We explored a fort. And it was amazing.
We drove to Whidbey Island, which included a ferry ride, and then spent the day running all over an abandoned WWI fort. There was super intense hide and seek, role playing Star Wars, exploration of pitch-black corridors, and climbing on rooftops.
It was wonderful.
Eventually we wanted to go to the beach, so we went behind the fort and ta-da! ocean.
The water was freezing, again. Sigh.
But there was loads and loads of driftwood, so instead of swimming/wading, we built our own fort. Someone had started it, we just cleared it out and expanded. A lot. We gave it at least twice the area, and probably added a foot of height.
It was so legit, and I am very proud of that fort.
This day was probably the best day of the entire summer.
Like, running around, climbing over driftwood, exploring, just being a kid... My soul needed it. Wow it was good. Wind and salt and pebbles in your shoes and echoes in ghostly corridors and scrapes on your knees... That is so good for you.

July 15, 2015
Day 13
Hours on the Road: 3, I think?
States Traversed: Washington

Into Seattle!
We hit up Pike's Place today. You know, where the original Starbucks was (which we didn't go to, because there was a stupidly long line and a local coffee shop like, right around the corner).
There were so. many. people.
Here's the thing, I liked Pike's Place Market, quite a lot, but I think I would have liked it better without the five younger children. I adore my younger siblings and cousins, but a very crowded outdoor market in the summer is not the best place for them.
That being said, it's a wonderful, thrilling place. Art and flowers and coffee and bakeries and people and food and bookstores and fish and more flowers and wow it is cool.
I would looove to go back and spend loads of money on those flowers. They were so pretty. And there was a whole store full of maps!! It was amazing!! Maps everywhere!! Vintage maps, new maps, maps of cities and countries and oceans and everything and I loved it. I could have bought so much there.
It's probably good I had no money, because between the map store and the bookstore and the flowers, I would be broke.
But yeah, I would love to just sit in one of those coffee shops and people watch for hours. There were street musicians (the ones in San Francisco were better, just saying) and some of the most hipster people I have ever seen, and girls in loooots of One Direction garb, and tourists from loads of countries and cute boys and so many people with stories and lives and thoughts and to-do lists. It was crazy and overwhelming and beautiful.
I love Washington state. I love Seattle, I love outside of Seattle. The trees and coffee shops and fresh fruit and the beach (even though it's freezing), the places to explore, the vibes of Washington in general, my cousins... I don't even know, I just love this state a lot. It's wonderful and interesting and beautiful and exciting and I love it.

July 16, 2015
Day 14
Hours on the Road: Yeah, I have literally no clue.
States Traversed: Washington, Idaho

Um. I read fanfiction. All day.
I have no shame. :) Also, Idaho has Cheesecake Factory and suuuper cool hotels. Ours had like, a loft and it was awesome. I would love an apartment that looked just like that hotel room.
That and driving was all that happened. :/

July 17, 2015
Day 15
Hours on the Road: A lot, I presume
States Traversed: Idaho, Utah

Idaho has a Barnes and Noble. That's really all I remember about this day.
I bought Go Set A Watchman. And cried. I'm still not 100% sure about how I felt about that book. I liked it, but I also... I don't know. It didn't connect to To Kill a Mockingbird quite as much as I wanted it to, but I think that's okay? Because the whole process (from what I've heard) of publishing this book was complicated and it wasn't supposed to be published and... I don't know. I still love Scout/Jean Louise and think she's one of the best fictional characters ever. I'm reallyyyyyyyy bitter that Jem wasn't in the book. Same with Dill. And Atticus... Yeah, there was some very personal betrayal there. But I adored reading about Jean Louise dealing with everything and growing up. Even though it didn't go the way I wanted it to, I really loved the part when she stands up to Atticus and becomes her own person, I suppose. There was something super sad and super powerful about it.
So, yeah. It was really interesting, and I think I liked it overall.
I believe this was the day we stopped in Salt Lake City.
And it was probably the sketchiest city I've ever been in. Maybe it was just the evening and next morning that we were there, but there was something distinctly... off about it. Some strange, creepy vibe that had me on edge the whole time.
However, there was a real good pizza and gelato place there. So it wasn't awful. Just weird and creepy.
So if you've had a great experience in Salt Lake City, let me know. Because my gut was saying "Something isn't right, get out," especially the next morning. Was that just me? Is there something universally uncomfortable about Salt Lake City? I have no idea.

July 18, 2015
Day 16
Hours on the Road: All day. Aaaaall day.
States Traversed: Utah, Colorado, Kansas

Um, I read more of Go Set a Watchman. And cried. And ate leftover pizza. And slept. And was really excited to get out of that car. And tweeted about Go Set a Watchman. That's really about it. It was a lot of driving and lounging and everyone being ready to be home.

Coming home after a trip is bittersweet. It's sad because it's an adventure ending, but the comfort of driving under stars you know and streets you have memorized is so beautiful. Even though I am someone who loves traveling and honestly wants to leave for college and spend years of my life in different places and cities and countries, I think Wichita will always be home. I have so much history and love invested in this city. In late nights and sunrises and adventures and doughnut shops and theatres and soccer games and churches and Wal-Marts. In my Grandma's backyard, in the house where Kensi and Mac were born, in Trinity and CYT and the library. That moment when we get to the tollbooth right before Kellogg, when we exit off 35... every time we come home, that moment makes me feel safe and peaceful and at home, in a way that no where else can emulate. And I love that.

Culture: Road Trip Diaries -- Part Two

(Sorry, this is painfully late... The end of the trip was exhausting and then we got home and it's so easy to get distracted here at home. Anywho. Here you are. Enjoy.)

July 8, 2015
Day 6
States Traversed: California
Hours on the Road: 4

We spent the morning in Yosemite still, stopping in the Valley for coffee and second breakfast and then walking to the Falls. They were gorgeous, but crowded. We were there by ten am, and I shudder to think how busy it would be later in the afternoon. They were beautiful, though (also, I might need to start using the thesaurus for more adjectives – I think “pretty,” “beautiful,” and “gorgeous” are starting to sound a bit hackneyed and cannot convey the true measure of wonder that this trip has inspired).
We got lost trying to get back to our car, which was kind of miserable. Getting lost in the woods, on a day when we had plenty of time and bottled water, would honestly be lovely.
Noooot so much when you’re not even actually in the woods, you have no water, and you agreed to thirty minute parking. That was a tad bit stressful. We did, eventually, find our car and hit the road again. Our destination: A hotel in Stockton, California. This was a pretty chill drive. I mostly read. Heh. I think I was still reading Fic at this point. I seriously loved that book. My nerdy, fangirl heart couldn't get enough. For example, did you know that oftentimes straight women write slash fic because they want to explore a relationship in which both partners are equal? Fascinating. And that tooons of classic authors -- Ray Bradbury, the Bronte sisters, J.M. Barrie, to name a few -- wrote fanfic? So. Interesting. Also, Sherlock Holmes fans have always been the crazy ones.
Anywho. Lots of driving which led us to a hotel in which we crashed.

July 9, 2015
Day 7
States: California
Hours: 5

We went into San Francisco for the day. I loved it. Getting into the city was the hardest part – we were stuck in traffic for over an hour longer than we expected. And this was like ten a.m. on a Thursday. It was crazy. Holly said it reminded of her of India, minus the cows. I had to agree.
Once we finally got there, we left our car to be parked in a parking garage – something that gave Holly a loooot of anxiety.
“You mean we just give him our keys? But what if he takes our stuff? Or our car?”
(He didn’t. Our car was safe and sound when we got back and he didn’t even charge us extra for being twenty minutes late.)
Then we walked around Pier 39 and ate lunch at a seafood place (Fog Harbor Fish House). It was lovely and had wonderful views of the sea and Alcatraz and sometimes the Golden Gate Bridge (there was a lot of fog, so our view of the bridge sometimes existed and sometimes didn't).
Then there was more walking about on Fisherman’s Wharf. There were so many people. Tourists. Vendors. Street performers. Runners. Business men stopping for lunch. Homeless people. All sorts of people, passing each other, exchanging nods or avoiding eye contact, people living their lives, people searching for meaning in the city.
There’s music everywhere. Musicians on the street, singing John Legend covers (personally I liked it better than the original – far more rocking), playing in a little Chinese stringed instrument, dancing to the Beatles or the Eagles or a jazz quartet. Music every few feet, coming from cars or buildings or headphones.
I like cities. I like the chaos and movement. I really like San Francisco. It isn’t like cities I’ve been to before. It has the sophistication of Europe and the chaos of Bangalore and a laid-back feeling that is all its own.
Everywhere I’ve been to on this trip has had its own distinct culture. Not just the geography, all though that’s part of it, but the people and the attitude and the mannerisms and the food and history are all different. They may share aspects, but they are all different. For example, Gallup is a small town, heavily influenced by its location of Route 66 and connections to Mexico. Albuquerque, while in the same state, is more big-time. It’s well-known, there’s more to do, it’s not as close-knit. The Grand Canyon is different from Yosemite. They’re both National Parks, but the Grand Canyon is more “Hello, we have epic rocks. Please admire our epic rocks from your designated viewpoint/trail/picnic area.” Yosemite, on the other hand is like “Hi kids! Nature is cool! Go run around! Butstayofftheseareasandfollowthebearrulesorwewillfineyouobsceneamountsofmoney.”
San Francisco isn’t like any of these places.
And yet all of them contribute to the overall American culture, even if some are more often cited than they rest.
I like comparing the three archetypes in my head – National Park/Nature, small town, big city. Nature stirs you in a way that’s quiet, slow. It works at your soul and pulls you in and makes you appreciate it. It’s solitary and not easily expressed (unless you’re quite talented).
Small towns are (in my experience) home-y and welcoming and very American Dream-esque. They’re still and safe and represent something idyllic and almost extinct.
Big cities, though… they yank you in headfirst. They don’t wait for you or even try to let you catch up. They move and change and have a heartbeat that may just be the bass from downtown.
And all of these are good in their own way, but my favorite has to be the city.
I really, really like San Francisco. The cute houses. The wharf. The people. The colors (even if it was rainy and foggy, there were still lots of colors). The rainy and foggy-ness. The noise. The pulse. Chinatown.
Chinatown is splendid. I am in love. It’s all the best parts of Commercial Street in Bangalore – awesome stuff for cheap, amazing food, and just the culture is very India-ish. But it’s still distinctly American, there’s American flags flying, not a cow in sight, trash on the street is frowned upon. I love it. I love the blend of cultures, the best of both worlds, as it is. And the fooood. I love Chinese food.
It was all in all a really good day of new experiences and adventures that were, in my book at least, very rewarding.
And now, “on to the next crazy venture ‘neath the stars.”

July 10, 2015
Day 8
Hours on the Road: 8
States Traversed: California

Pro tip: The Coastal Highway in Northern California is not, actually, on the coast. It's through the mountains.
I have seen more than my share of mountains on this trip.
However, the highway does go through the Redwood Forests, which are awesome. Those trees are soooo huge. They're so wide that it'd take four or five people to put their arms around them, and so tall you have to stand way far back from them and crane you neck to see the top. I've read about trees that big, but never seen them. It's an ancient forest, deep within which a mystical elven race is hidden. It was pretty dang cool. We wanted to go see the tree that you can drive through, buuuut our cartop carrier was too tall. :/ Awk.
It really wasn't bad, but the ocean would have been nice to see.
Our campsite that night was... a struggle to get to.
Let me set the scene.
First, let me say that Holly likes to exaggerate things. I have a habit of saying "This is how horror movies start." When Holly and I are home alone and hear strange sounds, when my friends and I find an abandoned school after dark, when I go to the woods by myself, on foggy nights. But if you ask Holly, I say it all the time. Running laundry? This is how horror movies start. Reading a book? This is how horror movies start. On the beach? This is how horror movies start.
Only a few days before, Holly had been mocking me for this exact thing, much to the amusement of our family (especially Dad).
Now, it's getting dark. We are in Northern California, with limited cellular service. A sign directed us down a narrow, barely paved road to "Gold Bluffs Campground." The branches and leaves far above wove together, letting in only small patches of light. The ground on either side of the road was covered in weeds and jungle plants and grass. It was green and dark and quiet.
The road wound around and around, narrowing with every turn.
It was ominous, and Holly and I couldn't help giggling at how very cliche it seemed.
I couldn't help it, I whispered "This is how horror movies start."
It was perfect comedic timing.
Because a) I was exactly right. A family on vacation getting led down a narrow road through the woods? Tell me it doesn't sound like we're about to stumble upon a run down house with an ax murderer inside. b) everyone remembered Holly joking about this just days ago.
It was so very funny, but you know, it was still a bit like... Yeah, this is how we die.
(Obviously we didn't.)
Our campsite was actually pretty cool. We could hear the ocean all night. I love the ocean.




July 11, 2015
Day 9
Hours on the Road: Way too many.
States Traversed: California, Oregon

This day had a lot more coast, which was wonderful. We played on the beach before we started driving. It was freezing. That water put Yosemite's to shame. It was so. cold. The sand was gray, dark gray, and extremely soft. It was so cool. The whole beach was gray, really. Gray sand and gray sea and gray cloudy sky. I loved it. You couldn't tell where the horizon was unless you looked really hard, because the sea and the sky were the same color. It just looked like a pearly wall. You know in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, when they reach the End of the World? It looked like that. The world just stopped. It was beautiful and weird and I know that the Earth is a sphere, but it still looked as if it ended and my mind kind of exploded.
Then we drove and I read. I was reading In Cold Blood by Truman Capote at this point, which is a super-de-duper interesting account of murder and greed and tragedy. To summarize, these two guys murdered a family in Holcomb, Kansas, with no clues and no apparent motive. It's actually a really sad story, and written engagingly and it's so well-researched. I love well-researched books. I liked it quite a lot.
Driving, driving, driving.
We got to our campsite, which was a pseudo-campsite like the one outside of Yosemite. It had free wifi, so that was kind of very cool. It was also a very, very cold. I wore my sweatpants and like three shirts and huddled under my sleeping bag as we ate dinner. And I read some more. ;)

July 12, 2015
Day 10
Hours on the Road: I literally don't even know. A lot.
States Traversed: Oregon, Washington

GUYS. If you ever get the chance, go to Sylvia Beach Hotel in Newport, Oregon. Oh my cow. Ohhh my cow it's beautiful. Holly and I got to go in and look around and explore and I almost cried. So it's an adorable inn on the beach, and every room is based on a different author. There's F. Scott Fitzgerald, Alice Walker, J.K. Rowling, Agatha Christie (golly her room was pretty), Jules Verne (SO COOL), J.R.R. Tolkien, Ernest Hemingway, Dr. Seuss, and a lot more. The whole attic? It's a glorious library and game room. The dining room has a no phones rule. There's two resident cats.
Basically I want to live there. I may have cried a little.
We then continued on the road to Seattle. I read (gasp). I did switch up what I was reading though. We were finally in a civilized enough area to have data on our phones... and I proceeded to use a whole lot of it to read Harry Potter fanfic. My favorite? An AU Dramione fic where Voldemort won. Holy wow it was really good. (It's called Midnight and it's on fanfiction.net if you want to go there....) Seriously, I am still not over this fic. AND IT'S NOT COMPLETED. Which is scary, because who knows when it will be updated, but there is hope. All the characters were portrayed so well, and the writing was poetic and elegant and dark, and the CHARACTERS, and I'm obsessed with Dramione because I love the idea of them having to get past their own pride and prejudices (heh, see what I did there), in order to work together, and then become friends, and then be madly in love. I like the AUs best, because I feel like there's more freedom there to mess with the reasons why they would have to work together, and I like the ones that keep pretty close to the canon personalities, and Midnight totally does.... And I sound so very, very geeky right now. I will stop. (But seriously it's amazing. Draco and Hermione and Luna and Ginny and Blaise Zambini and twisted, broken people who don't know what's right anymore or how to stop Voldemort at this point, and Grimm fairy tale references and WW2 influences and T.S. Eliot quotes... Guys, I legitimately cannot with this story. I adore it. I will actually stop now. Fangirl rant over.)
Um, so we drove. I read and squealed over Draco being vulnerable and tried to keep breathing when they talked about Molly Weasley in Azkaban.
I swear I'm a normal, rational. mature human who is a deep thinker and values real life interactions.
When we got to Seattle that evening, wem were greeted by our wonderful, wonderful cousins. Cadence is twelve, Emerson is ten,and Juliana is seven (I think), and they are more intelligent, interesting, and fun than half the people at my school. They greeted us so very enthusiastically, and then took us on a "walk" (run. They expected me to run) down a trail and to a junkyard behind their school.
Let me tell you how this walk/run went. It was basically Juliana yelling abuses at us for being to slow as we ran down incredibly precarious hills covered in pebbles. It was exhausting and terrifying. The junkyard was pretty cool though. We saw a deer, and got to climb on stuff and run/slide down a gravel pile.
It was fun to go exploring and laugh at the things they said and it just felt so relaxed and simple and innocent and I loved it.
Then we headed back up the precarious hills, which was infinitely more terrifying. I thought for sure I was going to fall down and die.
Back at the house, we ate dinner and played some board games (and got super competitive) and prank called almost every Pizza Hut in the country and stayed up way later than kids their age should. It rocked.
I went to bed and kept reading Midnight, tbh.

July 13, 2015
Day 11
Hours on the Road: ZERO PRAISE THE LORD. NONE. ZILCH. ZIPPO.
States Traversed: The Kirby's backyard


We stayed at their house all day and it was lovely.We played outside, Skyped the Clarks for about five hours, played more board games, played Capture the Flag, the boys made us Italian Cream Sodas, Mac broke his finger, we played video games... It was sooo nice (other than the broken finger). I love my cousins so much, guys. So so much.
It did make me miss the Clarks a lot a lot a lot. This summer has felt very... un-summer-ish without them. I'm used to spending everyday with Lil and Crey, eating homemade ice cream, swimming, walking all over Grandma's neighborhood. This year has been more... Netflix-filled.
Anyway, we hung out pretty much all day, and then Mom, Dad, Aunt Sarah, and Uncle J went out to dinner. We kids stayed home, ate mac and cheese, played more capture the flag. This was when Mac broke his finger, so after that we just went in and played Star Wars Battlefront II for hours.
I'm terrible at that game.
The adults came home and checked out Mac's hand (we had iced it and gave him ibuprofen and theorized about whether it was broken or just jammed. It was his pinky and it had gone sideways, so we were thinking broken.) Mom and Dad decided to take him to a doctor the next day, and so we all went to bed.

To be continued. Again.

Here We Go: Road Trip Diaries -- Part One

July 3, 2015

Day 1

States Traversed: Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico

Hours on the Road: 9.5

This morning, I was awakened at the unholy hour of 5:30 am. We finished getting ready (filling coolers with ice, downloading Spotify playlists, cleaning the kitchen…) and were out the door by 7:30.

Fueled by McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches and the spirit of adventure, we started our journey in high spirits. 

We stopped in Greensburg, Kansas, in the morning. It’s a tiny little town that was almost completely destroyed by a tornado in 2007 (please note that the following conversation actually occurred:

Dad: So there was a tornado a few years ago that completely wiped out Greensburg—

Me: I think it was more like eight years ago.

Dad: It was not that long.

*inside the museum*

Lady: We were hit by a tornado eight years ago, in 2007.

Me: Boom, baby.

Moral of the story: I am a genius.)

Greensburg also has the World’s Biggest Hand-Dug Well. (No joke). There’s a museum around the well, and it also talks about the town’s history, the tornado, and the recovery from the tornado. The museum was actually really cool. We got to go down in the well and run around a little bit (not in the well, just in the museum). It was really weird to think how much was taken from the town eight years ago. They just finished rebuilding the movie theater a couple months ago. Twelve people died, and everyone lost almost everything (95% of the town was destroyed.) When they started rebuilding, they decided they wanted to be green and environmentally friendly. Greensburg is the “Model Green City.” I really like that. I like that they decided to do something positive and make the best of the situation. It’s inspiring. 

When we got back in the car, I (semi-jokingly) said we should make a “Roadtrip: Expectations vs. Reality” video. The family jumped on the idea. Holly films and edits, and the rest of us act. It’s extremely entertaining. I’ll post the link once it’s done.

During this, Mom played “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten approximately twelve times in a row.

Stop #2 was in Mead, KS, for the Dalton Gang Hideout. We didn’t actually go in the hideout, because it required more time and money than we wanted to spend, but we took pictures and played in the courtyard-ish area. 

A door. And Holly.

Behind the storefronts of the "courtyard-ish area"

We ate lunch in the car after we passed Liberal (still in Kansas), and about two minutes after getting our pizza and fruit arranged and ready to eat, we got to the “Welcome to Oklahoma” sign. So then we all had to pile out and take a picture. 

I’m not really sure what happened after that, because I slept. I remember getting out when we hit Texas, but then I think I napped all through Texas. 

We were alongside a railroad track for a really long time, and I think that’s about when we lost it. 

The fam woke me up when we hit New Mexico. We stopped in an itty-bitty town and bought corn on the cob from a truck. It was awesome. 

New Mexico is really pretty. The sky is paler in Kansas. And it feels huge. You can see incredibly far. This is probably because there aren’t really any trees. There’s little bushes that amuse me, because they’re short and round and everywhere and so grumpy-looking. I love it. And there are so many shades of green. The grumpy bushes are dark, dark green. There are gray-green shrubs and yellow green flowers and bright green grass and blue green weeds. 

We camped in Moriarty, New Mexico (Holly and I exchanged a slightly panicked, quite delighted glance when we heard the name). We got there around six p.m. (and there was a time change, so it was really twelve hours before we got there. But we were really driving for about nine and a half or ten hours) and set up camp. Putting up the tent for the first time on a trip is always… entertaining. And by “entertaining,” I mean “a struggle.” But we got it sorted and safe to sleep in. Starting a fire was another challenge… Yeah, we were a bit of a mess tonight. I promise we go camping a lot and actually do know what we’re doing. 

Everyone was super tired (it’s incredible how draining nine hours in the car can), so after dinner and s’mores, we crashed. 

July 4, 2015

Day 2

States Traversed: New Mexico, Arizona

Hours on the Road: 9 (?)

Showers at campsites are risky business. We lucked out today. There was hot water and doors that latched and, despite many spiderwebs, no actual spiders. I was exceedingly grateful. 

Packing up this morning was surprisingly quick. Roll up the sleeping bags, pull down the tent, have the traditional “do we fold it in half or in thirds” debate, stuff everything in the trunk or strap it to the roof, google the nearest Starbucks. 

We might be hard-core travelers, but we’re not that hard-core. Quality caffeine is a must. (We eventually had to lower our standards).

We stopped at R.E.I. in Albuquerque and got a blanket and a hammer and we were off. 

Today mostly consisted of driving. Sooo much driving. 

It was supposed to be an easier day than yesterday, but it… wasn’t. 

We stopped in Gallup, New Mexico on Route 66 for some really freaking delicious enchiladas and sopapillas. I wish we’d had more time there. Everyone was friendly, the food was good, and there were pretty lights hanging across the street. One lady invited us to the Fourth of July party that night. Sadly, we had to keep going, but that stop was really nice.

Jerry's Cafe in Gallup, New Mexico

The afternoon’s driving was bruuuuuutal. The road went through the middle of nowhere, which I think it was why it was so bad. We didn’t see civilization for hours. 

Which is okay, if you’re expecting it. 

And if not everyone in your car needs to pee. 

Spirits were low, folks. 

Personally, I just read the whole time. (The 100, by Kass Morgan. Interesting, but not quite as rounded out as I would like. Bit too much kissing and not enough detail. And #Bellarke all the way.)

I also woke up this morning minus my voice. I’ve been sick since last Tuesday, and today my voice was gone. I never realize how much I like singing until I can’t. It’s one of the worst things ever. 

We finally made it to our campsite at (in?) Jacob’s Lake. To my joy, there were plenty of trees, and I finally got to use my hammock. It is wonderful and super relaxing and lovely and goes perfectly with a good book. (Latest is Fic by Anne Jamison – an exploration of fanfiction’s history and influence of literature. It’s totally fascinating and geeky and I adore it.)

July 5, 2015

Day 3

States Traversed: Arizona

Hours on the Road: 4

Photo Creds: My Mom

I have never seen so many wildflowers. There’s blue ones and white ones and purple and red and pink and orange and probably five different kinds of yellow ones. I love it. 

I’m fairly certain Arizona is the child of New Mexico and Colorado. Because some parts look like NM, all rocky and pretty flat and have the grumpy bushes. And other parts look like Colorado, foresty and mountainous and cool (cool as in not hot, not cool as in awesome. Although that too). 

We’re at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. I thought it would be desert-y, but no. It’s a forest, right up to the edge. I didn’t expect so many trees, and definitely not so many flowers. It’s a lot prettier than I thought. I like it. 

On our way from our campsite to Grand Canyon National Park, we drove through the most wonderful meadow ever. Flowers were everywhere, trees rimmed it, and not a fence or telephone pole in sight. It was glorious. We got out and frolicked. 

The Grand Canyon itself is… trippy. And freaking huge. I mean, I knew it was big, but it’s not “big,” it’s freaking ginormous and expansive and enormous and massive and wow. And there’s so many colors, layering and layering on each other for thousands of feet. It’s dizzying. It’s stunning. 

Apparently, on this side (the north), the cliffs are a lot more irregular and rocky, whereas on the South Rim, they’re more sheer. I think most of the pictures I’ve seen of the Grand Canyon are from the south (which is hardly fair) so the view we actually had surprised me. The very first spot, especially. It really confused me, actually. 

The other spots were better, either because they looked more familiar or because I knew what to expect, I’m not sure. But I did appreciate the later views far more than the first. 

It’s breathtaking, let me tell you. 

We were there a long time, coming back to our campsite around 3:30. Holly felt kinda sick (the roads are suuuuper curvy, I felt a tad queasy, too) and we all just slept/hammocked/read.

Mac and I went on a walk and then it started raining, so we all huddled in the tent to nap/read. After it stopped raining, we huddled around the fire to eat/read. There’s something about campfires that is very cozy. There was a lot of relaxed family bonding tonight, which, I think, was really the point of the trip. Seeing tons of America and going on a huge adventure was part of it, yes, but family time is honestly the best part, no matter how corny it may sound.

July 6, 2015

Day 4

States Traversed: Arizona, Utah, Arizona (again), Nevada, California, more Nevada, back to California

Hours on the Road: 8 

We started the morning with a super nourishing breakfast of Pop-Tarts and coffee/juice. Then we drove some more (heh). It’s a good thing we’re all good with just sitting and reading for hours on end... other people might think this much down-time to be boring. It’s not, really. It’s relaxing. We spent most of the morning dropping altitude. We came down so quick I had to pop my ears like three times. Almost as soon as we got to 4000 feet above sea level, 4G came back. Holly almost cried with joy (she had ninety-one Instagram notifications alone. I had four. Literally.) We had the data for all of five minutes, and that’s all we’d had in three days. Which was a bigger deal than is probably healthy...
We stopped at (*gasp*) Starbucks in Utah and kept going, descending pretty much the whole time. Our route through Utah was weird (whatcha doing to us, Google?) because we just drove in and out of Utah in like twenty minutes. 

Hello, again, Arizona.

This part of the trip looks like Tatooine, but with more shrubs and less pod-racers. We drove in between tall, pale, rocky cliffs littered with caves. And then – Bam! -- flat land for miles. 

Arizona is bloody weird. 

We then hit Nevada, which, as far as I can tell, is basically three things. 1) Desert, 2) Casinos, and 3) Palm trees (which do not seem to be 100% natural, either). I’m sorry, Nevada, but you are not my favorite state. 

The road had these funky dips in them that felt like a roller coaster. I drove for a while, and it was a bit scary. Fun, but scary. We were changing altitude allllll day. First we dropped altitude really fast, then went back up, came down, went up, came down, and finally went up to the mountains outside Yosemite. 

Our campsite in California was about an hour from Yosemite, and was kind of a sucker campsite. It was in a little town with one coffee shop and a diner and a couple tourist-y stores. The lawn was manicured, there were nice bathrooms ten feet away, and loads of RVs. It was kind of nice, though, because the grass was soft to sleep one and after a while of peeing in hole, the bathrooms were welcome.

I woke up about 3 am needing to pee (I was seriously grateful for the nice bathrooms then) and oh my cow the stars were beautiful. There were so many and they were sooo bright. It was gorgeous. 

July 7, 2015

Day 5

States Traversed: California

Hours on the Road: 3

Yosemite is Narnia, I am quite sure. It’s wonderful. Of all the National Parks I have been to, this is my favorite. There’s so much to explore. Rocks to climb, trees to crawl over, creeks to swim in. It’s amazing. 

We found a lake and went swimming in 64 degree weather (I made $5 by being the first one to go completely under water). The water is clearer than any I have ever seen. It was so cold though. A group of college-age guys (we think from Britain) got in right after we got out and they screamed like little girls. 

In the freezing water

I guess I forgot that people from other countries came to America. We heard so many different languages and accents. I didn’t realize how global Yosemite could be. Besides the British guys at the lake, there was an Australian family in the campsite next to us, a Japanese family that asked us to take their picture, two Swiss guys, German, Dutch, Indian, French… it was fascinating to me. 

Shoes are overrated.

The weather in the mountains was… random. Right when we came in, there was hail and rain and it was 54 degrees. Within five minutes, it went up to 70 and was sunny again. It went between 60 and almost 90 the rest of the day. It was crazy to me that the weather could be stranger than Kansas. 

There are so many opportunities for was wandering around in Yosemite. We went off in the woods and climbed trees and rocks and leaped across creeks and just wandered. It was so fun. 

We lucked out on our campsite for this night. Last night, Dad made a few calls asking about cancellations in the park. There was one. When we got there, a couple from LA were setting up in the campsite next to us. Apparently, this campground – and our spots in particular – sell out the first minute they go on sale. And it was obvious why. We were away from everyone else, there was a creek with a perfect spot for swimming just behind us, there were trees for hammocking, it was spacious… we lucked out, let me tell you.

The creek behind our campsite

We (the kids) went exploring and then ended up swimming in the creek, and it was sooo nice. Not as cold as the lake had been, and still clear, with rocks to climb on and jump off of. Seriously, the water in Yosemite is gorgeous. J'adore. 

Lower Yosemite Falls

To Be Continued...