Abundant Life

With our English Partners and the Vida Joven team

This post is extremely late getting up, so I apologize.

As you may or may not know, I recently(ish) went to Managua, Nicaragua on a mission trip with my Ministry and Missions class.

I'm trying to process the trip still. I'm really not sure where to start. There're so many aspects of it, and in hindsight it's all choppy and fragmented and I will leave things out, so I'm sorry.

It was beautiful
exhausting
refreshing
hilarious
draining
fulfilling
hot
fun
surprising
emotional
enlightening.

It so full of joy and wonderful people and good food and lessons learned and deep conversations and awkward moments.

No sleep. Hammocks. Swimming. Frisbee. Tight pants. Amazing people. Sweat. Dancing. Ridiculous skits. Best friends. Joy. Laughter. Jesus. Volcanoes. Lizards. Scorpions. Ella. Gilbert. Dito. Pratt. Eliezar.  Steysy. Ashley. Adda. Bonfires. Stargazing. Girl talks. Yelling until we lost our voices. Bus rides. "Self-discovery." Spanish. Taylor Swift. Folklore. Christ in Culture. Will's guitar. Relationships. Fruit. Plantains. Good, deep conversations.

One or two of the classes we worked with.

I just... I didn't expect it to be quite as fun as it was. It was so very uplifting and encouraging. I learned so, so much, and I was exhausted every night, but I was so refreshed, too.

I'm trying to put this all into words, so bear with me.

God taught me a lot about love and joy and about meeting people where they are. He taught me about finding rest and fulfillment in him. He taught me about healthy, true, positive relationships. He taught me that He is the same God working in a university in Managua as in Wichita as in Bangalore as in New York City and as large as the world is, He is infinitely bigger. It was such a good time to be reminded of that, at least for me. Everything changes in the next four, five, six months for most of us. Less time than that for Kaleigh and Pablo. But God doesn't change, whether we're in Asia or Hawaii or Chicago or Texas or New York or Kansas. And that's so very comforting.

We spent our days teaching, talking, being ridiculous, drawing people in, connecting students to Vida Joven. It doesn't sound like much, but coming up with conversation topics to last hours is super hard, not to mention tiring. Every day was a roller coaster of energy. It would be sky-high at one moment and crashing the next. Vida Joven itself is so high-energy and relational that there were moments when I, as an introvert, wanted to curl up by myself and sleep. But God gave us all energy every time we needed it.

It was like being on stage sometimes. Not that we were acting or performing (although sometimes we were), but in the sense that the actors feed off the audience's energy and vice versa. We fed off the Nicas enthusiasm and energy, and they did the same with us. It was a huge give and take.

And in the evenings, when most of us went and stargazed, there were times when I just sat on my bed/laid in my hammock to process/journal/pray/ just be alone.

There was one night where all eleven of us were in hammocks just chilling/journaling/listening to music. We weren't really talking to each other, there were soft murmured conversations and "Can you pass me that pen?" and such, but it was mostly just Matt Corby or Ben Howard or hymns and us each with our thoughts. Stargazing nights were good too. We'd lay out blankets and towels and sprawl out after swimming and dinner, a tangle of wet hair and dirty feet. We talked about the past, the present, the future. We were serious. We were silly. There were so many little moments of bonding.

But our days were so much better. Nicaragua, like most hot-climate cultures, is very, very relational. We could meet people and be best friends with them twenty minutes later. It was crazy. Everyone was full of boundless energy, whether it was midnight and they were greeting us at the airport or nine a.m. when we were in class.

The classes were really fun. We acted out the Wizard of Oz, line danced, had an Easter Egg hunt, listened to one of the most talented violinists I've ever heard, created dozens of skits, talked about ourselves, about the States, about God, about the Nicas.

This was right before an Easter Egg hunt

On Friday, the Vida Joven team came to the camp where were staying to hang out with us -- swim, hammock, eat dinner, pray, etc. -- and on the bus, I got to hang out with several of them. We bonded over music, my limited Spanish, magic tricks, and trying to draw on David's face as he slept. There were all sorts of times like that. I got to hear "Sorry" by Justin Bieber in Spanish because I heard it playing from another building and started dancing. (Guys, Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift are international. And One Direction.) Another time, I said my dog's name was Oakley and one of the guys asked if it was after Tyler Oakley. And then after that we were friends.

In one of the very first classes we were in, we acted out The Wizard of Oz. This was tricky, as few -- if any -- of the Nicas had seen it. Despite this, one of the girls in my group did a perfect Wicked Witch impression, just from my vague description. It was amazing.

Dancing. Makes. Friends. We showed them swing dancing, they showed us Nicaraguan folklore dances, and we all line danced and shimmied and nae-nae-d (is that even a word?) together. It was so cool. So stinking cool.

Don't doubt the power of weird questions or wearing wigs or breaking tables.

I think part of what I loved about the trip was how natural it felt. It never felt forced. We just naturally became friends and naturally talked about God and naturally cried when we left. I think that has a lot, a lot to do with Nicaraguan culture, but I also think we got a little at living life on mission on the trip. I also loved that even when we were just discussing Guardians of the Galaxy or the Intern, we still had a purpose. Everything felt intentional, while still natural. I don't know if I'm describing this well, but I'm sure it was because of the Vida Joven team's planning. Something else that was really well done, in my humble opinion, was the fact that we connected people to the team who is permanently in Managua, at UCA. Many of them went to Vida Joven club after we left. They sent us a video. I can't tell you how excited we were to see them and pick out faces we knew.

The people we met... I hope we blessed them a fraction of how much as they blessed us. Ella, Eliezar, Steysy, Pratt, and Gilbert were our main group. They were with us basically 24/7 and they taught us soooo much. Ella was a huge encouragement to us girls, as a young, single, white girl in a foreign country alone. Steysy was overwhelming kind and patient with us, and I am so grateful to her. All the Vida Joven people were so cool and kind and helpful. And our English partners were amazing and I could talk for hours about each person, but I won't.

"White shadow!" we stage-whispered

We got to explore a lot of the city of Managua -- the hill, the lakeshore, the cathedrals. We also went to a market in Masaya, stayed at a pineapple farm, and swam in a volcanic crater. I really appreciated all the different aspects of Nicaragua we got to see, even though we were only there for a week. The area around the cathedrals had vendors selling ice cream on the street, and kids running after us asking for money. In stark contrast, the volcano beach was the most touristy place we went. There were a couple of other groups of Americans there, and every time they talked we got super confused. We were so used to knowing everyone with an American accent that it seriously threw us off.

I'm sorry, I still feel like I'm not doing the trip and the people justice, but this is the best I can express it. And sorry, it's like a month late. Oops.

This is Alex. He had us sign his shirt after we painted tables before we said good-bye on Saturday. 

Kaleigh and her English partners, Angie, Fabiola, and Cassandra

Will and William the violinist

Jenifers, Sarah, and Fernanda

Andres, T-Pa, and Devin

Bielka, Lauren, Marvin, and Allison

John, Carlos, Andres, David, Nefi, Marcos, and Alvaro

Cinthia, Julia, Scarleth, and Sahara

Team Mangos! Me, David, Elise, Pratt in the background on the phone, and the one and only Gilbert!

Gabriella with Maria Alejandra, Elise, Arianne, and Maria Gabriella

Devin and Marcos

****All photo credit to Paul, aka my hero. Seriously, knowing that someone else is photographing every second of the trip -- and photographing it well -- is so freeing. Thank you, Paul!! You're the best****

Dear Fifteen-Year-Old Me,

Oh goodness. Freshman me. Just as awkward, far more innocent, so much more judgemental and insecure. Sweet, shy, ridiculous freshman me. Here are some things you should know:

-- Learn to love the States. I know you struggle with fitting in right now, and you struggle with anger towards most of the people in this country, but they know not what they do. They don't know about the people living under the caste system. They haven't experienced the crowds of Commercial Street or the monsoon season or pain of leaving your friends in a different country. They have not met the girls orphaned or abandoned in villages. They haven't sat through traffic for two hours in order to get to youth group. They will want a 30-second description of two years of your life, and you will want to hate them for that. I promise, I promise you it gets better. Remember: But for the grace of God, you could be where they are. The problems and blessings in the States will take a lot of re-learning, but they are there. Every country is flawed, every people group is flawed, and yet there is still beauty in all of them. It will take a while to feel like you belong here, and for that I am sorry.

-- Make good girl friends. And good guy friends. Just make friends. Be kind and don't prejudge people. The kids who annoyed you to no end sophomore might be your good friends senior year. Let them grow up. Heck, let yourself grow up.

-- Accept that no one is perfect. Not you, not your friends, not your teachers, not your parents. Everyone messes up, so give grace.

-- Don't just complain about things you dislike. Work on changing it if you can, and if you can't change it then suck it up and move on.

-- Sophomore year will be basically awful, but focus on the good things. Mrs. B, your new friends, dancing in the "Marian Librarian" scene, Jahn, The Name of the Wind, Newspaper, Concert Choir... It's not all bad. You'll grow and learn a lot this year, in spite of -- or really because of  -- the fact that it's mostly horrible.

-- Try new things. Do a sport. Try art. Let yourself be bad at things for the sake of learning. You might find out you love (and kind of hate) swimming or something.

-- Be silly and goofy. Don't worry about what people think. You'll be far happier if you just do what you want. Laugh at your mistakes and awkward moments. Store up embarrassing stories, because they make great ice breakers. Just accept that you are an awkward, clumsy human who can't do phone calls properly and spills everything and is just generally awkward.

-- Within the confines of the law and your parents' wishes, do crazy, stupid things. Be careful, but don't be fearful.

-- Don't get wrapped up in your friends' boy drama. Just don't. Be there for them, absolutely. But don't get sucked into the cycle of love and heartbreak.

-- Don't get wrapped up in your own boy drama. I don't mean "Swear off boys/dating completely." I mean, don't let youself become consumed by a boy at this point. Be wise. Pray through everything. Be cautious with whom you allow your heart. Some guys suck, and others just aren't right for you. It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to try, it's okay for your heart to leap and for you to giggle with happiness after your first kiss or to cry after a breakup. But know who you are in Christ and know that no boy is perfect. None can "complete" you. Only Jesus can.

-- It's okay to let your friendships change over the years. It's okay to let go of people who aren't healthy for you to be around. Surround yourself with people who bring you joy and help you become a better person.

-- Embrace the geek within you. Own the fact that you play DragonVale and ship Dramione and listen to musicals about American history and read more than you work out and can quote Doctor Who and love Benedict Cumberbatch. Geek will be cool in a couple years. Or at least cooler. Well. At least not weird.

-- Your relationships are more important than your grades. Sometimes you need to get out and chill in Kris's basement or Ellen's backyard and just talk about stuff instead of doing a Government study guide. That being said, don't just blow off your grades completely. Turn off Netflix and do your math homework. Seriously.

-- Get Spotify asap. You will love it. Listen to all sorts of music and become somewhat familar with popular songs/dances. Dance parties are bonding experiences, and a decent Charleston can get you far in life.

-- Be grateful for the opportunities you get. Because you will have some fabulous opportunities. You will meet amazing people and be a part of amazing things and go amazing places. So take a moment and be thankful for them.

-- Get off your phone/computer/etc. sometimes. It's good for your soul.

-- Make your relationship with God a priority. Be a person after God's heart. "Improve your serve." This one actually takes you a long time to learn, but work at it. Love God, love people. Sounds simple, until you have to do Chemistry homework and memorize the presidents and make notecards for a research paper and work on musical stuff. Those things will alllll fade away, Addi. Christ and people will not.

-- Don't overcommit. Say no sometimes. It's good for you. It's hard, but it's good.

-- It's okay to cry during all movies ever. And all books. Which is good, because you do. Just go with it. If you're lucky, as cute boy will take pity on you and let you cry into his shoulder. (Just kidding. That never happens. You just cry alone over Harry Potter and eat ice cream.)

-- Do not place your value in your grades, your popularity, your talents, your looks, your likes on social media, your "spiritual-ness," or basically anything outside of the fact of knowing that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Don't fall into a comparison trap. Place your self-esteem in the fact that you are God's child and He has created you. Other's opinions of you -- and even your opinions of yourself -- will change, but God's love will not. I cannot even explain to you how important this is.

-- Don't ask boys what they're laughing about, especially if/when you're good enough friends that they'll actually tell you. You don't want to know. Trust me. 

An Update and a Fun Fact

Oh my cow.
So busy. e_e
Homecoming is in three weeks. I still need a dress. Skits for spirit week must be planned. Chemistry homework and tests are murderous (one is tomorrow). Music Man rehearsals have started (thank goodness I'm chorus and only called once or twice a week). Kensi's birthday is a week from tomorrow.
Outside of all that, I'm still trying to read books, journal, hang with Lil, skype with Joel, blog, watch MAOS, freak out about Sherlock Series 3, and sleep.
My "brother" is currently in Zambia, and I totally wish I was there with him. Not only is he helping people and being awesome (his dad's a doctor, and he will probably be one when he grows up, so he does of lot of doctor-ish type stuff), he's missing boring Chemistry and homecoming drama.

Fun fact of the day: Ya know the song "How He Loves," by David Crowder Band? It starts with the lyrics "He is jealous for me/Loves like a hurricane/I am a tree" and blah blah blah. This always confused me, because I thought jealousy was a bad thing.
WELL. I was watching a YouTube video several weeks ago, and this guy (danisnotonfire, who I don't really recommend, but um, yeah) was talking about jealousy vs envy. And the definitions are this (these?):

jeal·ous  [jel-uhs]  

adjective

1. feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often followed by of  ): He was jealous of his rich brother.

2. feeling resentment because of another's success, advantage, etc. (often followed by of  ): He was jealous of his brother's wealth.

3. characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.

4. inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband.

5. solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: The American people are jealous of their freedom.

en·vy  [en-vee]

noun, plural en·vies.

1. a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

2. an object of envious feeling: Her intelligence made her the envy of her classmates.

3. Obsolete . ill will.

verb (used with object), en·vied, en·vy·ing.

4. to regard with envy; be envious of: He envies her the position she has achieved in her profession.

verb (used without object), en·vied, en·vy·ing.

5. Obsolete . to be affected with envy.

The fifth definition of jealous is, I think, what the song refers to. He is jealous for me, meaning He wants to protect us and keep us with Him. And the song made sense!!

That's all. I don't even know why I just thought of that, but I did. You're welcome. ;)

Thank You, Jesus

Thank you, God, for sweaters. For books and tea and music. Thank you for parent-teacher conferences, and four days to rest. Thank you for my family and friends. Thank you for Pandora and Pinterest and YouTube (well, the good sides of those things). Thank you for creativity and art and joy. For words and literature and Star Wars. Thank you for doughnuts and Starbucks and bananas. Thank you for elephants and saris and mehendi. Thank you for Target and best friends. Thank you for nail polish, Netflix, and Nutella. Thank you for sleep. Thank you for the little things that make my life so blessed.
Amen. 

Alone With You- Poem

The music of daylight draws to a close
A soft wind blows
The cool cement against my back
All is deep black
The warm night pressing from all sides
I close my eyes and hear your voice that guides me
Jesus, I’m alone with you
Things I could never put into words flood my heart
The stars and the moon shine above
Constant reminders of your love
All the distractions that pull on my mind fade from view
Jesus when I’m here alone with you
The call of the crickets mingle with my prayers
Here in the darkness, I’m not forgotten
I feel your presence, the touch of your love
The peace and trust I have in you calms my restless soul
I’ve been restored and am whole

Mixed feelings

WARNING: This is gonna be rather long and confusing, rambling and weird. :P

It's 80+ and we can't turn the AC on bcuz it trips the power. I'm completly worn out, but don't want to sleep. My bottom hurts, but I'm too tired to get up. My brain hurts, so I don't want to write. I spilled perfume so my room smells like Bath and Bodyworks. I have a headache and my siblings are being loud.

But I have a bed underneath me, friends I'm chatting with, food, I'm no longer on an airplane (Halleluiah), I have a fan giving some cool air, and my cold has mostly cleared up. And I'm home. :)

I'm happy.=D

Well, the family is back in India. :) I don't know how, but I have seriously fallen completely in love with this country. I live in a city, so I've never even seen any of the beautiful parts of it, except the Taj Mahal. Where I live, it's dirty, hot, loud, frustrating, sad...the list goes on. So why do I love it? Because I love the people. They're so lost and I want to reach out and pull them out of prisons and cages that fill this country. I just wish I knew how to start.

Why am I happier here than in America? I think I kinda know. It's been dawning on my slowly the past few months, and I also read recently in a book that someone felt the same way. Life is easy in the U.S. It's too easy. It's easy to forget about God, to feel like you can do stuff "On your own". And I don't like it.
Another thing is (and this is really stereotypical, but it's what I have experienced) I don't like going to church in the U.S. because it's not as real. I don't know how to explain this, but the churches I've been to in India seem so passionate. In the States, it's more of going through the motions. :P I doubt all churches are like this, but that's what I have experienced. :(

Maybe I'm the only problem. I know I'm one of of the problems, anyway. :P

Sorry for making you read this. I had to get it out. :P

What are you guys going through? :D

Friendship

Friends are amazing. They're the people who will pick you up, encourage you, make you laugh, cry with you, let you be yourself and just be there to help you stand up through everything.
I'm so blessed with lots of friends. Tons of friends. :)
But sometimes it stinks to have so many friends. Like when you have to say good-bye to a really awesome friend. :( It hurts.
And sometimes the only thing thing that keeps me from crying my eyes out is the fact that Jesus is always with me, He is my best friend forever!! Even when I feel lost and lonely, He'll lift me up and encourage me.
Sometimes I honestly think I can't take another move, another time to leave people I love. And then God whispers to me: "With Me, all things are possible."
I can't do it. Not on my own. But with God I can do anything. :)

Matthew 19:26 - Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but God all things all things are possible."

Proverbs 17:17 - A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

Do you guys have a friend who's helped you out in a rough time?

Poem

Hey y'all. This is a poem I wrote a while ago.


Lost and Found

I'm trapped in a maze of my questions,
Locked in room of uncertainties.
I keep praying for a map, a key.
I'm not getting an answer,
At least not one I can see.
I don't know where anymore,
It's getting harder to move.
Which way do I go, I'm so confused
I'm facing an army of doubts.
I need a sword,
Is it right in front of me?
Then I hear it, a whisper.
A quiet call that I've been ignoring.
A ray of sunlight shines through
My darkness is overpowered
The way is clear now,
Now I understand.
I'm letting go of my past life,
Following the Light.

Happy Easter!!

Happy Easter, everybody!! This is, obviously, a pretty different Easter for us. Usually, we would sleep in (we went to CCC Saturday nights) and then went to Grandma and Grandpa's house for FOOD!!! (traditional American way to celebrate:) And of course we have an Easter egg hunt in our Easter dresses made by Grandma! Also, our family always get out the Easter baskets, fill them with fake grass and eggs filled with candy and another little gift. (CDs, books, toy cars for Mac, etc.) In India, Easter just isn't a big deal. You can't find eggs, fake grass or Easter baskets (at least, we can't. It might be possible :).So this week, I've been feeling pretty bummed. Mom, however, is a genius. She got little candies - even chocolate eggs! - found some bowls, covered them with a basket cover and saved our Easter!! Plus, we ate at an Italian restaurant and went to church.

And don't think I forgot the real reason of Easter. I didn't. On Good Friday, Holly slept over at a friends house. On our way there,about 5 minutes before we arrived, our temporary driver, (our usual one is driving for another family right now) suddenly stops and says "That's where my brother lives!" So after we dropped Holly off, we visited our driver's brother and family. It was cool, because his brother is a pastor at a church that centers on poorer, working families. The services are in Tamil and Kannada. It was so cool to hear how Jesus is working in India!!