(Some of) The Problems With 13 Reasons Why

I have issues with this show.

It's an absolutely horrible representation of depression and suicide.

It is trash.

Let's start with the fact that it never actually addresses depression or mental illness. It never gives a name to Hannah's feelings of loneliness and emptiness and sadness. It turns a serious, tricky issue into a plot point in an angsty teen murder drama for people's entertainment.

While I am glad to have an awareness of bullying and suicide rising through the show, I hate 13 Reasons Why. I hate that it got so popular, and I hate that it is our only mainstream discourse in TV of suicide.

Arguably the worst part of the show is its portrayal of Hannah herself. I think she becomes reduced and minimized as a character. She is angry about everything but never DOES anything about it. This may be an attempt to show realistically how she was feeling, but all it does is make you scream at your television to do something, get someone, STOP HIM.

This show should be creating empathy for Hannah, making us see that she was nice and caring and just a little dark and sad and broken inside. It does not do that at all. I cannot think of a single time when I was like, "Oh, that's relatable" or "yeah, I like her."

The girl was depressed. Which sucks. It sucks a lot. But she should not have been reduced to that; that should not have been what totally defined her character. Depression or mental illness are not the only things which define people. I have friends who deal with this stuff every single day, but that's not who they are. They are wonderful, beautiful people who happen to have a chemical imbalance in them. Which is kind of awful. But they get excited about stuff and care about people and have lives and passions and existences and characters outside of this one thing. This how they should have portrayed Hannah.

And shall we talk about this "love will save you" trope? That is stupid. It is idiotic. Clay staying with her, Clay loving her, would not have saved her in the long run. It might have helped, it might have kept her alive a little longer, but a boy would not have healed her. A teenage boy cannot heal anyone. To quote my friend, "Love helps, but a boy isn't your savior. Someone else can't save you from your own demons. They can help you but ultimately you have to slay the demons."

This is something that we need to acknowledge for the people on both sides. Because yes, I will do everything in my power to save my friends, and they would do the same for me, but a single person can not take the whole weight of that. There were moments in high school when it felt like I had to save everyone. Which is stupid and arrogant as heck and unhealthy. You can only help to a certain point.

It is a Sam and Frodo relationship. Sam can be with you and help you, and even carry you for a bit, but you must carry and destroy the One Ring, whatever that be.* I don't think Hannah understood that.

Which brings me to the tapes.

The tapes make it look like revenge. And not, revenge and grief or revenge and guilt or revenge and insert-emotion-here. Just revenge. Which makes Hannah look more like a villain anything else.

Not to mention, another one of my friends pointed out that once a person makes a decision to take her own life, she is not going to take six weeks to make tapes to leave people. She probably won't care enough, at that point. It's far-fetched at best.

I also have problems with anything that romanticizes suicide or depression, which this absolutely does. In a really sickening way. The fact that they dragged out the story and expanded it from the book (which I read in high school) and are now making a season 2 also rubs me the wrong way. It feels like they are making money off of this, which makes me a little nauseous. Issues like depression, suicide, and rape should not be commercialized or used for entertainment. That actually makes me want to throw up.

All who I have talked to who has major issues with this show are people who have either first- or second-hand experience with it, which is very telling of how far off-the-mark the show is.

In conclusion, please find better representations of mental health. Have an actual, honest discussion with real people who know what they are talking about.

Also, if you feel like you can relate to any of the stuff in the show or that I am talking about, find a person to talk to. Preferably a responsible adult, or call the National Prevention Line at 1-800-273-8255. Or me, I'm always here.

*I really wish I could take credit for this analogy, but I cannot. My friend thought of it.

The (Fictional) Women Who Made Me

So I have a post on Feminism itself coming at some point.

Before I post that, though, I wanted to write about this.

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I grew up on Star Wars. Those movies, to me, feel like home. My brain deeply associates Star Wars with my family and my childhood. Watching the movies with my cousins, my sibling and I standing on our staircase in India and singing the theme as loudly as possible, playing in the basement and backyard with lightsabers and Jedi cloaks.

Princess Leia was (and honestly still is) so important to me. She was gorgeous, and brilliant, and so smart and sassy and badass.  She was undeniably feminine, she was a princess, and she was also a rebel leader, and ambassador, a general, a Skywalker. She kept up with Luke and Han and was not afraid to put them in their place when they were stupid. And she paved the way for every other woman in Star Wars, who are each unique and important in different ways.

I think the books I read and the movies I watched as a kid had an undeniable impact on how I see women, and feminism, and myself.

I read a lot as a kid. There was this one picture book called A is for Abigail. It went through the alphabet and had women who were leaders/world-changers for every letter. Abigail Adams, Susan B. Anthony, Marie Curie, Annie Oakley, Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, to name a few. I had forgotten about the book until I found it in the library about a year ago. Little kid me really liked that book. I liked the pictures, first of all, but I also liked reading about all those women and all the possibilities they carved out for themselves and every little girl who came after them. They were stay-at-home moms, scientists, fashion designers, singers, teachers, pilots, civil rights activists, chefs, mathematicians. It was glorious.

Seeing that book again made me really think about the characters that I let influence me as a kid.

It started with American Girl books -- historical fiction from the viewpoint of nine-, ten-, eleven-year-old girls. History from the perspective of little girls, by nature, makes you want to start fighting for equality. I also read almost every Nancy Drew book, about the wonderful, super cool female detective, and her best friends. The Chronicles of Narnia helped shape my view of women -- women as adventurers, leaders, warriors, queens. Little Women and Anne of Green Gables, Percy Jackson and Jane Austen's books. I think we can attribute a ridiculous amount of my personality to Jo March and Anne Shirley. I wanted ink stains on my fingers and an attic hangout to eat apples and write in because of Jo. I dyed my hair red because of Anne. They were ridiculously impactful. Jo, who makes her own decisions no matter what anyone thinks. Anne, who is imaginative, flawed and funny, stubborn and lovely and unabashedly herself. Any character that loved books was one of my favorites. Annabeth Chase: self-sufficient, badass, genius, goals in every way. Elizabeth Bennet, the clever, independent, hard-headed heroine of Jane Austen's most famous novel. They have all been with me for years, proving to me that women can do anything.

Representation is important, especially if you think about it in the context of children. When kids watch movies and read books, they are fueling their imagination with both how the world is and how the world could be. They need to see characters they relate to. Characters who show them what is possible. Characters that tell them -- even subconsciously -- they can be successful and powerful and inspirational and loved.

And not only do they shape how we see ourselves, fiction and media are some of the first ways we perceive people who are unlike us, who are outside our little circle of the world. This is another reason diversity is essential in fiction -- it creates empathy and builds connecting points where they might not otherwise exist.

Once I hit middle school, it was Harry Potter, the Hunger Games, the Lord of the Rings. Characters like Hermione Granger, Professor McGonagall, Molly and Ginny Weasley, Katniss Everdeen, and Eowyn were the people I was looking up to. I think J.K. Rowling did one of the best jobs with her female characters of any author I have ever read. Every woman is fully her own character with her own personality and her own strengths. (Side note: I asked a BUNCH of my friends about their favorite fictional women and Hermione was the #1 answer, with Mulan, Rey, Leia, and Annabeth also being very high on the list.)

In high school, I started watching/following TV shows for the first time. A whole new world of women as surgeons, superheroes, space travelers, and secret agents opened its world to me. This was also probably about the time I started thinking critically about the kinds of fictional characters I wanted.

I'm not asking for every woman to be physically strong, or to be totally independent, or to never cry. I am asking for women who are three-dimensional, who have their own character arc, who are complete without the men in the movie/book/series/whatever. They can be romantic, they can be emotional, they can be aggressive and mean. I want lovers and fighters and artists and scientists. I want black women and Asian women and Muslim women and everyone else. I want straight women and gay women and trans women. I want diversity, I want representation, I want backstory, I want them to be people on their own, first and foremost.

I find it curious that so many feminist fictional icons come from science fiction and fantasy. At first, I wondered if it was just me because I consume so much science fiction and fantasy. When the Women's March rolled around, however, I realized it wasn't just me. Princess Leia, Hermione, Wonder Woman, and others popped up on posters all over New York City and Washington D.C. and the rest of the world.

I have a theory on why this is. Science fiction/fantasy allows a different version of reality. Setting something in the distant future or another world can alter gender roles, expectations, conventions. This distance allows women to be in different positions than we usually see in reality. Women have a different level of freedom in deep space or the distant future or in the wizard world. We rarely see them being questioned and challenged on screen in science fiction. These women live in a world where they are simply allowed to lead lives -- ordinary or extraordinary, without having to justify every move they make.

This is not the world we live in.

But! 1) Real inspirational women who overcome all expectations and stereotypes and obstacles exist all around us. Absolutely, without a doubt. I would start listing them off, but that is a job for another day. And 2) I think we can get to a better world. We can get to the world of the characters that inspired me, where women are just accepted as doing whatever they want and whatever they are good at. Even if it means we have to move to those new planets NASA found to get there. 

College-ing, From the Perspective of a Total Mess of a Person

In my experience, people give a lot of advice to college students.

A lot. 

So much advice. 

Everyone has an opinion on where you should go to school, what classes you should take, how you should do student loans, what you should eat, how you should plan your life. 

SO guess what? I am going to add my voice and shout into the void.

Some realistic college advice from yours truly:

-- Buy Tide stain sticks. They are lifesavers. Buy like seven if you are anything like me. I keep one in my dresser, one in my purse, and one in my backpack. I use them almost every day. 

-- Know how much money you are taking out in student loans. Whether it's a lot or a little, know how much it is. Stay aware. Otherwise, when you find out it will haunt you and horrify you and you won't fall asleep until five in the morning because all you can think about is your impending doom. 

-- Locate 24-hour joints near you. Coffee shops, cafes, diners. You will want to know when midterms/finals roll around and you need to get out of your room at 1 am so you can study while your roommates sleep. 

-- Trader Joe's makes really freaking good single serving frozen meals. My roommates and I really like the Tikka Masala. 

-- Buy quarts of ice cream instead of pints. It's way too easy to eat straight out of the carton with a pint, and that makes it wayyyyy to easy to eat it all in one or two sittings instead of the recommended four. 

-- BUY A LAPTOP CASE. And a distinctive one, at that, so you don't get it mixed up with other ones. Also, close your laptop when walking places/going up and down stairs/waltzing around your room if you are at all accident-prone. Seriously.

-- Locate your nearest hospital. Know where it is, so when you dislocate your shoulder, you can go straight there. 

-- Uhhh I think I should say something about exercise/eating healthy, but this is not my area of expertise. Our building has a gym. I have been there twice: On the tour, and when Laura dragged me up there. I spent most of the time stretching. So... do better than me.

-- Pick up babysitting jobs if/when you can. You can make so much money, and you can meet super duper cool people and see parts of town you wouldn't otherwise. 

-- Get Spotify premium or Apple Music or some music provider of the sort. It is the best investment. 

-- If/when you have a mental breakdown and can't/don't finish a giant paper worth 20% of your grade, TELL SOMEONE. Do not do what I did, which is freak out, ignore it, curl up in a little ball, take the L, and not tell anyone until like after Christmas. Tell your parents, your studious friend, your professor, a counselor, whatever. Someone who can help you and prevent a lot of unnecessary anxiety. (It's really a toss-up between who was more horrified when they found out: My parents or Amelia.)

-- At Dunkin': Get an iced coffee with cream and caramel instead of an iced caramel latte. There's a bit of a difference in flavor, but there's an almost $2 difference in price, so WORTH IT. Avoid Starbucks unless you have a gift card. I don't take that advice in the slightest, but you should. 

-- Ask for student discounts everywhere, folks. 

-- Get nice headphones. It seems unnecessary, but they're actually the best. You have roommates! You have to study in crowded libraries!

-- The Apple protection plan doesn't cover physical damage. Do with that information what you will. 

-- Follow blogs/websites/twitter accounts that cover fun stuff to do in the area. You need to do fun stuff. 

-- On a similar note, find people who will keep your fun/work ratio balanced. Do not only surround yourself with people with the exact same study habits. I have to surround myself who will keep me focused when I need to do homework. Some of my friends need me around so they don't study and/or stress too much. Sometimes you need to hunker down and write the paper. Other times you need to step back and take a break and go to the park or watch musicals or take Buzzfeed quizzes. Very few people are that well-balanced on their own, so find yourself buddies who can help you out. 

-- Always, ALWAYS, do the extra credit.

-- Don't blog when you should be doing Politics homework.